tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post3736860402681932561..comments2023-07-12T06:26:17.735-02:00Comments on Motherhood Deleted: So Much For Lock StepRobinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-69716827404301624012010-09-02T18:38:18.023-02:002010-09-02T18:38:18.023-02:00...But, I believe they have wisened up to that &qu......But, I believe they have wisened up to that "risk" and that is why they now are so quick to offer counseling to their good beemommies after the adoption. And the counseling they offer is nothing more than a "refresher" course to the bull they fed to them in the beginning. If you are hurting or questioning giving up your child, they remind you of all the reasons why you were crap and could not keep and raise your own son or daughter and reinforce your saintly status by nudging you all over again back up on to that pedestal you are starting to slip off of.<br /><br />So, it could very well be that even these moms still carry the same maternal instinct but where I was left on my own and finally could no longer deny it, the beemommies in today's world are still very carefully guided by the industry so that they continue to spout their "glorious" praises of adoption and don't recognize that instinct buried inside of them.Cassihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-46667554959079995232010-09-02T18:37:56.090-02:002010-09-02T18:37:56.090-02:00I think you probably hit it on the head, Robin, my...I think you probably hit it on the head, Robin, my maternal instinct was subdued but not destroyed and after years of living in denial and telling myself, and others, that it was a "good" thing to give away my first born son, I finally hit a point where I couldn't lie anymore because that instinct had never really gone away. I had just continued to shove it down inside of me for as long as I could to avoid the pain.<br /><br />The thing I notice now is, with the new version of good beemommies, the industry has learned another tactic. Where I came in on the beginning wave of being a wonderful, glorious saint for giving away my child to that poor desperate couple who deserved a "gift" of my own flesh and blood, there was no post-adoption counseling, as they call it today.<br /><br />In other words, once they had their grimy hands on my son and the aparents check deposited in their account, they were done with me. I had filled my requirement for them. And because of that, because their influence over me began to weaken and reality finally found it's way in, I was able to finally "come to" and couldn't deny any longer the horrible pain and loss giving away my child had caused and that instinct found it's way back from where I had buried it for so many years...Cassihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-11740647202345015312010-09-02T18:37:03.674-02:002010-09-02T18:37:03.674-02:00I think you probably hit it on the head, Robin, my...I think you probably hit it on the head, Robin, my maternal instinct was subdued but not destroyed and after years of living in denial and telling myself, and others, that it was a "good" thing to give away my first born son, I finally hit a point where I couldn't lie anymore because that instinct had never really gone away. I had just continued to shove it down inside of me for as long as I could to avoid the pain.<br /><br />The thing I notice now is, with the new version of good beemommies, the industry has learned another tactic. Where I came in on the beginning wave of being a wonderful, glorious saint for giving away my child to that poor desperate couple who deserved a "gift" of my own flesh and blood, there was no post-adoption counseling, as they call it today.<br /><br />In other words, once they had their grimy hands on my son and the aparents check deposited in their account, they were done with me. I had filled my requirement for them. And because of that, because their influence over me began to weaken and reality finally found it's way in, I was able to finally "come to" and couldn't deny any longer the horrible pain and loss giving away my child had caused and that instinct found it's way back from where I had buried it for so many years.<br /><br />But, I believe they have wisened up to that "risk" and that is why they now are so quick to offer counseling to their good beemommies after the adoption. And the counseling they offer is nothing more than a "refresher" course to the bull they fed to them in the beginning. If you are hurting or questioning giving up your child, they remind you of all the reasons why you were crap and could not keep and raise your own son or daughter and reinforce your saintly status by nudging you all over again back up on to that pedestal you are starting to slip off of.<br /><br />So, it could very well be that even these moms still carry the same maternal instinct but where I was left on my own and finally could no longer deny it, the beemommies in today's world are still very carefully guided by the industry so that they continue to spout their "glorious" praises of adoption and don't recognize that instinct buried inside of them.Cassihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-88220801278226771902010-09-02T17:59:22.729-02:002010-09-02T17:59:22.729-02:00I just have to wonder, Cassi, if those of you that...I just have to wonder, Cassi, if those of you that "come to" do so because your maternal instinct was subdued but not destroyed. I think that the poison the industry feeds the mothers is more effective with some than with others.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-27540089159418967372010-09-02T17:51:18.168-02:002010-09-02T17:51:18.168-02:00As a former Judas Beemommie who clung to her pedes...As a former Judas Beemommie who clung to her pedestal for as long as she possibly could, I have to say Eileen makes a very good point about remaining silent and wondering what is wrong with you for feeling anything but the happy, happy, joy, joy we are told we should feel for giving away our children.<br /><br />I lived for almost sixteen years as a good beemommie - to the point I was quick to judge other bad bemommies who weren't as "picture perfect" in the way they conducted themselves. Ha! If I'd only known the truth then.<br /><br />But even as that pain hit - and it was the worst I have ever felt in my life - I thought I was the weird one, the strange one. Even with internet access, it still took me three more years of battling it alone before I finally stumbled across others who were struggling like I was. Up until then, I firmly believed there was something wrong with me for what I was feeling and because that just added more shame, I never even though of speaking out or seeking out others who might be speaking out as well.Cassihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-67434884334997237132010-09-02T17:23:42.395-02:002010-09-02T17:23:42.395-02:00I agree, Sandy. I think that knowing I was not the...I agree, Sandy. I think that knowing I was not the shameful slut they tried to make me out to be made me want to live, but finally undestanding that I had no options or choices at all KEPT me alive.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-23450480367490553742010-09-02T17:18:56.583-02:002010-09-02T17:18:56.583-02:00I cannot help but feel that someday these Rainbow ...I cannot help but feel that someday these Rainbow Bmommies will feel the pain in their guts, and will come to know the pain of the loss. However, they will not have anyone to blame but themselves. I predict a huge upsurge in the suicide rates of middle-aged women in the next few decades....Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17088288948654864117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-48804249454383347902010-09-02T13:54:45.326-02:002010-09-02T13:54:45.326-02:00"Maybe we could send them all to a boot camp ..."Maybe we could send them all to a boot camp for motherhood. I'd volunteer to be a part-time drill sergeant."<br />And you would be perfect! Pixie dust that falls right in line with the rainbows and butterflies ;)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18164086331644750332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-67019719113696081152010-09-02T12:13:35.518-02:002010-09-02T12:13:35.518-02:00Interesting point, Eileen. And a compassionate one...Interesting point, Eileen. And a compassionate one, too.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-2812944032299435902010-09-02T12:09:37.849-02:002010-09-02T12:09:37.849-02:00I'd love to see that boot camp Robin!
I do th...I'd love to see that boot camp Robin!<br /><br />I do think it's important to remember that these Judas beemommies who blog are not the only ones today losing their children to adoption. There are still plenty of young women and girls out there who have no support and limited choices and aren't screaming from the rooftops about the wonders of adoption. Then they have these Stepford women out there telling them how wonderful and heroic they are for "choosing life" while they sit there wondering why it hurts so much if they did something wonderful and thinking that there must be something wrong with them for grieving so much. And then they don't say anything...and the cycle of secrets and lies continues.Eileennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-36556885007999291412010-09-02T11:51:07.133-02:002010-09-02T11:51:07.133-02:00I think part of the image of the NEW b/mothers is ...I think part of the image of the NEW b/mothers is caused first by media hype. Look at all the celebrity adopters who are getting accolades for "providing homes" for all the poor 3rd world children. Second, so many families are now "blended" for various reasons, the strong natural bond between mothers and their children has been effaced...If you didn't have a strong bond with your mother, it's easier to say "it doesn't matter" who you call 'Mom.' Third, our society emphasizes 'career and personhood' over self-sacrifice and generousity. If the adopters waited too long to procreate, the same thought is imbedded in the minds of the younger b/mothers. "I can have other babies," they think never realizing that another child never replaces the one who is lost.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com