tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post5956131722355099868..comments2023-07-12T06:26:17.735-02:00Comments on Motherhood Deleted: Grudges, Hatred and The Blame GameRobinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-26829603783491759232010-07-07T13:17:52.990-02:002010-07-07T13:17:52.990-02:00Thank you, Anon. And I am so sorry that you have s...Thank you, Anon. And I am so sorry that you have suffered this pain. I can tell you that, had we mothers, especially those of us in that era, had known the real story, there would have been a lot fewer surrenders. I hate it that the industry has refined its methods. <br /><br />I will certainly suggest that site to him. He is not really the kind to "share" and is very crude and vulgar when crossed. But we can hope. There must be something good about him or my dear one wouldn't love him.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-39824687340845636242010-07-07T12:15:40.243-02:002010-07-07T12:15:40.243-02:00A lot of us adoptees are angry, and rightly so. B...A lot of us adoptees are angry, and rightly so. BUT, adoptors also have a way of manipulating our views on our adoption when we are young. Some of us never overcome that brainwashing. <br /><br />In the "real" world where no one speaks of adoption unless it is all butterflies and rainbows, many adoptees are forced to keep their pain inside where it festers. It sounds like that is what happened to this young man. <br /><br />I belong to the AAAFC forum. We have first mothers there. I don't sense any hostility towards them. I consider them friends. <br /><br />I've heard of these other malicious forums. I would probably lash out and get angry too. I'm 40 (almost 41) and I'm tired of my pain dismissed and being labeled "ungrateful", etc. <br /><br />I suggest you give this young man the AAAFC website link. He can vent to those of us who understand. Joining that site has been so therapeutic for me and it helps focus my anger at the adoption industry. Our mothers were used just like we were by the vulture circling, baby snatching machine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-54705743391840966162010-07-06T23:07:20.598-02:002010-07-06T23:07:20.598-02:00Had to stay away from forums, I couldn't take ...Had to stay away from forums, I couldn't take the criticism and hatred of mothers.It seems fed by the info given them by adopters backed up by a bit of Christian 'forgiveness and charity' Too hard basket, even for an adoptee.<br />Great post, so sad to see adoptees in denial, hurting themselves some more.Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-25972637373469248332010-07-06T19:11:15.843-02:002010-07-06T19:11:15.843-02:00Well, it seems that the harsh times led to the sep...Well, it seems that the harsh times led to the separation of the forums, to me. That's just how I remember it. We'll agree to disagree on this one. I'm not saying that a forum for adopted people and mothers isn't a good idea...I just think it should be handled a lot more democratically than some were in the past.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-63725035371524034192010-07-06T18:45:39.002-02:002010-07-06T18:45:39.002-02:00yes, Robin, there were harsh times on them, but fo...yes, Robin, there were harsh times on them, but for the most part there was a lot of support and ideas exchanged. There was none of the involvement of adopters, so the adoptees didn't have to be mindful of their feelings, and the mothers were able to explain things to the adoptees in a way they understood. <br /><br />I think with the demise of places like Adoptese, and the formation of the groups that are ONLY for adoptees or ONLY for mothers or ALL parties to adoption, there has b een a breakdown in understanding and education.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17088288948654864117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-71552132053586898392010-07-06T16:44:48.177-02:002010-07-06T16:44:48.177-02:00Hi Robin...
I will admit that I am guilty of this...Hi Robin...<br /><br />I will admit that I am guilty of this anger at times. Being the adoptee in my situation, sometimes I am angry at the world it seems. Other times my anger is directed at my birth mother for some of the things that she has done. Other times, I'm just angry at myself for caring. I've been in and out of therapy for years trying to deal with it. I have found the best remedy so far has been meeting other mothers like you as well as other adoptees. Thank you for speaking up... it's clear that many others are not able to find their voices.J. Marie Jamesonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13332149448125750269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-19584482568380706452010-07-06T15:32:27.000-02:002010-07-06T15:32:27.000-02:00You have a fonder recollection than I do, Sandy. I...You have a fonder recollection than I do, Sandy. I remember many times when things could get very nasty on those forums and in chat. Maybe Joe has been able to tone that adoptee resentment down a notch.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-60244460184895710482010-07-06T14:54:32.327-02:002010-07-06T14:54:32.327-02:00I agree with this post adamantly and with Carlynne...I agree with this post adamantly and with Carlynne's comments, as well. Oddly, I was in Chat last night at Joe Soll's, the first time in a very long time, and told him that I missed the old MSN forums, where there was civil conversations between mothers and adoptees and a place of understanding was reached. There was empathy, and a respect that is not shown in many places on the internet. <br /><br />The thing that was most amazing about it is that it was largely unmoderated, but the respect was there, despite. The information and education flowed in both directions. I miss that. I think that the individualized forums are a not good thing. <br /><br />With the demise of the MSN forums, like Adoptese (which even the new one is crashed and unavailable now!) and AI and AAI, there are no places where adoptees and mothers can learn from each other with no adopters present to guide the conversation in their favor. <br /><br />BRING THEM BACK!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17088288948654864117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-37036216089793119402010-07-06T13:57:58.481-02:002010-07-06T13:57:58.481-02:00* There is an error not allowing me to moderate co...* There is an error not allowing me to moderate comments so I am trying to re-post Carlynne's.<br /><br />Carlynne has left a new comment on your post "Grudges, Hatred and The Blame Game": <br /><br />Very well put. I am seeing more and more of the anger you're talking about since reading more of the pages on FB and some forums. Sometimes I answer, sometimes I don't - depends on my mood and whether I can keep a civil tone at that moment. I'm finding myself avoiding some sites because it's so upseting to see and feel that anger aimed at mothers like myself. It feels like a dagger, like it's really aimed at me personally. I wish there was a way to help but unfortunately I (or we) can't do the work for them and I can't take the blame for what caused their anger.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.com