tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post8405359810965608707..comments2023-07-12T06:26:17.735-02:00Comments on Motherhood Deleted: You Don't Own MeRobinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-41955633571725379792010-03-02T19:45:36.636-02:002010-03-02T19:45:36.636-02:00I contacted my daughter shortly after she turned 1...I contacted my daughter shortly after she turned 18 years of age. So far, I haven't seen anything close to anger or demanding information. If anything it's been the other way around. She just doesn't seem to ask or care about much at all. I found her through a social network and it's been really slow. While, it's been hard on me, because of the grief from years ago. It's also been really great.birthmothertalkshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17690158739622745922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-37970866398893865212010-03-02T19:37:14.963-02:002010-03-02T19:37:14.963-02:00I have to say right off, I do not know, nor will I...I have to say right off, I do not know, nor will I ever pretend to know the horrors you, and so many other women, faced during the dark times of the BSE - EMS.<br /><br />My experience comes from the first wave of the "open adoption" lies. And I was, for some time, one of those "guilt-ridden" moms who believed I had to simply lie down and allow anyone and everyone to walk all over me, because I gave up my son and deserved no better than that.<br /><br />But, the thing is, I've learned, that even though what I faced was nothing compared to what you went through, I still don't have to give my flesh and blood to make up for what happened during my era. Yes, things changed and there were differences, but not an ounce of that makes me, or any other mother, worthy of being used, walked on and abused by anyone.<br /><br />There are SO many adoptees I have a tremendous respect for, who I would do all I could to help if they needed it, stand at their side for whatever fight they might face.<br /><br />But, as I have had to learn, as a mother from the years after the BSE - EMS, even though I didn't face the very worst of the outright violations used on mothers in that time, I still have just as much right to demand that I not be treated as a punching bag or allow anyone to demand from me sacrifices I would never willingly give to anyone, even my oldest son who I lost to adoption.Cassihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-70421379271799610252010-03-02T18:18:20.092-02:002010-03-02T18:18:20.092-02:00What M said is exactly what we have been saying fo...What M said is exactly what we have been saying for the longest time! Mothers, even BSE mothers, are computer savvy, even if they are NOT in reunion. They are reading, they are taking these words to heart. And, they are saying to themselves, "Who NEEDS this?!" At this time in our lives, who does?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17088288948654864117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-52396094683374105832010-03-02T18:11:56.111-02:002010-03-02T18:11:56.111-02:00Kitta here:
thank you Robin. I have been working ...Kitta here:<br /><br />thank you Robin. I have been working with adopted people in legislative work since 1994, as I am a "family preservationist", and some of my work has involved access to records. Adopted people use as their primary argument the "reasoning" that they were 'babies who had no choice" whereas we were 'adults" who "signed papers" when we could have just "not signed" the papers.<br /><br /> Actually, some of these attitudes are spoken in testimony before legislative committees. The anger and hatred towards mothers are clearly expressed.<br /><br />One lawmaker told me, in private "I don't know how you can stand to work with these adopted people. The way they treat you is terrible."<br /><br />Lawmakers take an oath to preserve the peace and safety of the populace. They are obligated to serve the public and they must look at all people involved in an issue. Mothers of adopted people are part of the primary (primal) relationship.<br /><br />When adopted people express hostility against their own mothers and mothers in general in testimony, this does not go down well with lawmakers..who also have natural mothers in their families, or who may even be natural mothers.<br /><br />Lawmakers also realize that young mothers did not 'abandon" their children during the BSE.Maternity home practices and social work practices were well-known, and under-age mothers had no power to stop a gov't program. We were under the power and control of our own parents...who made arrangements for ours and our children's lives...and did that legally...or illegally..whatever they could do.<br /><br />Our civil rights were violated, and our families were separated deliberately by the gov't.<br /><br />Signatures on papers, long used as emotional blackmail to blame mothers, have little validity in a coerced social program that is historically documented. Mothers who were confined, recovering from child-birth, under duress, suffering undue influence from other person(s),threatened by social workers or lawyers with involuntary court terminations, denied their due process rights..did not sign surrenders under the required legal standard for binding legal documents.<br /><br />These conditions of coercion had to be remedied in the case of forced confessions, and that was how we got the Miranda Rights for prisoners.<br /><br />A coerced signature is the same as no signature. It is not legal.<br /><br />and some mothers never signed anything..some mother's names were forged.And some states didn't require the mothers to sign... they terminated them in court...and the judge signed the relinquishment.<br /><br />Mothers who were abandoned by their own families, and violated by the gov't did not abandon their children. They were separated by "legal process" from their children...and everyone knew what was happening during the BSE. It was no secret.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-54282793466533022812010-03-02T17:12:34.408-02:002010-03-02T17:12:34.408-02:00Robin said, "So, when the newly-awakened mot...Robin said, "So, when the newly-awakened mother of adoption loss sits down at her PC and Googles 'adoption,' she often gets smacked in the face with a lot of frightening and hateful posts. If I were an unreunited mother and I read this stuff, my reaction would be, 'to Hell with this crap. I'm outta here.' "<br /><br />This is exactly where I am this very moment in my life...my daughter turns 18 in a few months and I am *terrified* to contact her. I am still feel so green, so raw, so un-whole in my own adoption-loss healing that I have serious concerns about being able to manage a chaotic and punitive reunion relationship.<br /><br />I <i>want</i> to contact her, I long to contact her but I wonder... She most likely will turn out to be one of the (in the majority) lovely adoptees who wants a relationship with her mother as much as I want one with her. <i>But what if she isn't? </i><br /><br />And that what-if-she-isn't fear has me paralyzed at this point - I don't know if I should contact her the moment she turns 18 or if I should wait. *sigh* I wish I had a magic 8-ball to tell me what I should do.<br /><br />M.<br /><br />P.S. I sat down at my trusty and beloved Mac when I googled "adoption." No offense to all you PC users out there, just wanted to set the record straight. :)M.http://letterstomsfeverfew.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-50575273473131764262010-03-02T16:15:01.077-02:002010-03-02T16:15:01.077-02:00This is a great post! So many things said that I h...This is a great post! So many things said that I have felt before.<br /><br />I think that the internet allows some of these people to be much ballsier than they would in a face to face confrontation. It seems to me that it is very easy for them to sit down and type awful, hurtful things because there is no real time interaction, they put it out there and just wait for us to come back and take part in their anger. But like you, I choose not to live in the blackness. I will read it, but not take it with me.<br /><br />Thank you for speaking out, and for the fantastic read!Kelsey Stewart, Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11772746376820263241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-90871933906765580262010-03-02T15:39:17.558-02:002010-03-02T15:39:17.558-02:00Bravo Ladies! Well Said!
I tried the "lay d...Bravo Ladies! Well Said!<br /><br />I tried the "lay down" part - it made me unhappy and her confused with feelings that did not make sense.<br /><br />Now, I am who I am. Be there or be gone.<br /><br />I stand for mothers, women and girls - don't you all think it is time we remembered our sisters? The ones that are always there? Those that are not always related, not always the same.<br /><br />I do.<br /><br />But to allow anyone to say they have more rights than me - they wish! Everyone should be equal and I will be damned before anyone tells me that I have to kiss anyone's ass to be equal or even recognized.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-67946547831235501982010-03-02T14:45:05.234-02:002010-03-02T14:45:05.234-02:00Yes, Sandy, and I am equally tired of the guilt-la...Yes, Sandy, and I am equally tired of the guilt-laden, insecure mothers who support this kind of treatment of mothers. If they want to lie down and act like a rug, let them. I'm not going to go that route. I have too much self-respect.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07580241881953821182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33752164.post-87367933560189485692010-03-02T14:30:59.090-02:002010-03-02T14:30:59.090-02:00I am sick to death of this bullshit, Robin.
I a...I am sick to death of this bullshit, Robin. <br /><br />I am sick of people telling mothers that their rights must be sublimated to the adoptee rights and the fears and insecurities of the adopters. I was told that working on mother's rights, a clouding of the adoptee's issue, was too threatening to adopters so it should wait until after the adoptees got their OBC, you know, the one with OUR information on it, and THEN, then we could start working on ours. <br /><br />I guess, unlike other people, mothers are also immortal. In case these whippersnapper adoptees have not figured it all out yet, we are their amother's peers for the most part and are not going to live forever. Our time to fight is limited by the passion not yet quenched by ill health and other things that relate to aging. <br /><br />And, when we die, that is the end of the activism, since we are the ones who can testify to our abandonment and the issues that surrounded it. <br /><br />I cannot believe that if what I have heard recenly is an example of how much adoptees care about OUR issues, when we die, so will our issues...maybe that is what they are waiting for...they wait for the adoptes to die to search, and they wait for us to die to get what they want, the paperwork. Have fun with that....Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17088288948654864117noreply@blogger.com