Well Moms, What Now?

‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’ (Edmund Burke)


After the heart-breaking court proceedings of yesterday, in Akron, I am left with a decidedly bad taste in my mouth. You know, we rant and we rage about the industry and the society that perpetrates this kind of adoption atrocity, but that seems to be about it. We fall short of realizing that we are as implicit in this legal crime as everyone else is because we are silent, because we are fearful and because we are too busy and self-involved and think that "someone else" will do it. Don't get me wrong. I am not letting myself off the hook with this fact, either.

Although my friend, Sandy Young, and others have been in contact with the Bennetts and have flooded the Internet groups with pleas for help, only one person, out of several in that area, showed up at the courthouse, yesterday, signs in hand, to support this young mom. I was so disappointed that more were not there.

I don't know why I am surprised, though. For years, I have seen secretive aliases, fearful and timid mothers, frozen moms and happy barfmuggers doing their all to keep us penned into some kind of secret society where no one has to stick their necks out for what is right. We talk and talk and work this idea over and make plans for this event and that idea and NOTHING is ever actually done. PR's hit the Internet sites days after the event, if at all. Deadlines come and go, opportunities are missed and adoption flourishes while people argue over the placement of a word or date or sentence structure. The desire that many of us, who are now entering our sixth decade, holds dear..to see the injustices of the BSE addressed in our lifetime...is becoming a misty dream, subject to the inertia of us big-talking "activists."

None of us can do what needs to be done, alone. And we all have lives apart from adoption activism. I am getting ready to sell our house and move to another state within this next year. BUT, I am also ready to work with anyone who will actually DO SOMETHING. It seems we can skip off to retreats and seminars and healing sessions, but we can't brave the light of public scrutiny and put our actions where our mouth is.

We go into our groups, supposedly to be active, and it becomes a mutual gripe session where we preach to the choir, ad infinitum. A lot of our groups seem to be not even for healing and moving forward, but more for mutual misery recitations. We are fast losing our edge in the more well-known groups, OUSA, CUB and others, while we measure our steps, micro-manage everything to death and try not to offend. This is an issue of passion and justice...not an intellectual exercise. We have the talent in a lot of different areas, so why are we so mired down in the details? (I am going to have some really miffed friends when they read this.)

I'm not a searcher, or a researcher or a person to sit down and analyze legislation and data. But I can write with some talent and I can speak and I can ORATE, with passion if need be. I can and am willing to stand in front of a crowd and exhort them to action and commitment. I can hold a sign and I can wear a button and I can be proud and unashamed to speak out for that which I believe to be right. Hey, I even use my right name and location on this blog. Here I am..use me...give me the facts you want included, and I will do my part while you do yours...but DO IT!

And, I figure, friends, that if we can make it to a beach retreat, a Heart-to-Heart gathering, a healing weekend or an Adoption conference, then we can, once in a while, gather a few of us together to support a mom who needs it when her whole future is on the line. The other side is winning battles and we are helping them win those battles with our inaction. Not cool...not cool at all.