Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Separation Anxiety Is The Pits!!



We've only had him since December 13. He sheds, he wakes me up at 5:00AM for walkies and he loves to bark at anything and everything. He also owns our hearts, totally.

Today, I had to leave him at the vet. Rocky's unfortunate dietary quirks (snatching old garbage and worse if we don't get to him in time) has given him a case of pancreatitis. He will be receiving shots and IV fluids for three days and will be on meds and a special diet for the next three weeks.

As I watched the tech walk away with him, I found myself shaking and fighting back the tears, even though I know he is going to be OK. It just reminded me, too much, of how I felt when I had to say goodbye to my two oldest children. Of course, I know he is just a dog, but he is a member of the family and most dearly loved. If it is shaking me up this much to leave my dog at the animal hospital, how did I ever manage to make it without my babies?

I remember going totally numb after the second loss. I didn't want to feel anything. I was a zombie, emotionally. For years, I would become a screaming bitch every April and June. I would hide it, as best I could, from my raised children, but it was only denial, self-anesthetizing with excess food, pot and fantasy that allowed me to live any semblance of a normal life.

Someone on one of the groups said that every social worker should be a mother of adoption loss as part of the required experience for the job. Boy, would that turn things around! Every mother who has lost a child to adoption, unless she is cold to the bone, who insists she did the "right thing" and "has no regrets" is lying to herself. That lie will consume her, from the inside out. It will haunt her, even if she can't recognize the specter for what it is.

Adoptees are not the only ones who suffer from abandonment issues and separation anxiety. We moms have it, as well. Especially the separation anxiety. They say I will have him back in three days. I wish it had worked that way with my babies.

12 comments:

Robin said...

To the anonymous poster I just rejected; Then you see children as others see dogs? Hmmmmmm. A real child, taken from the mother and the IDEA of a child are really two different things, as are human babies and dogs.

yourstruelysincerely said...

(((Robin)))

I am sorry to hear that your dog
is having such a rough time.

Just think of this how happy your little dog is going to be when he see's you! He will be coming home,
Robin.

Just like our son's and daughter's did! Despite sealed RECORDS!

g

Robin said...

That is so true, g. Today is his last day for the IV fluids. He was finally allowed to eat late yesterday. He will be sent home this evening with meds to take for three weeks and then will need his blood re-checked. What thrills me is that ALL FOUR (including my two oldest) have been calling for "Rocky updates." Like my reunited son said, "Hell, Maw. He's a member of the family, too."
heh heh.

birthmothertalks said...

Robin,

I just found your blog a couple days ago. I admit I read some and skimmed some. I am not from your era of women losing children to adoption, but I am still a victim of the 90's. Not much as changed when young girls get pregnant, the parents want to get rid of it as soon as possible.

Robin said...

It is still a fact, Talks, that young women have more autonomy than we did. We were also not allowed to purchase or be prescribed birth control nor was abortion legal and safe as it is today and was in the '90's. You could have chosen to use birth control or chosen to terminate or keep. There is help available. I am sure that parental pressure still is around, but I know too many parents of young, single women who supported them in keeping their children. Parents like that didn't exist in my day.

birthmothertalks said...

Robin,

I didn't mean to come off saying our stories were the same. I did have more options and choices, but when parents are not educating their children on these choices it still makes it a bad situation. Overall, my point is that I also lost a child to adoption and I have suffered the shame of not being able to to discuss that my daughter was ever born. Women of my generation aren't being sent away, but we are being told to get over it and act as nothing happened. You may know many parents who supported young, single women keep their child, but mine didn't. My family has hasn't spoke to me about my daughter in 17 years and that really bothers me. I am sorry if my comment bugged you in anyway.

Robin said...

No,Hon...it didn't bug me. It is just that we are having to fight to make people see the injustice that was done to millions of women and their infants during that era. The entire social climate was different. And I know that not all parents are accepting. But, in my day, NO parents were accepting and supportive of anything but hiding the "crime." I am sorry that you have endured 17 years of silent misery. I know how that feels.

yourstruelysincerely said...

Robin,

How is Rocky?

G

Robin said...

He is much improved, G...sitting here beside me getting his head scratched. He is on meds and a special diet for another few weeks and we will need to be especially careful of what he eats.

We have a family birthday gathering Sunday and then Easter pot luck and everyone has their instructions that he is NOT to be given anything, no matter how much he begs. We are trying to train him to sit, quietly, in another room while everyone eats. We are succeeding about 50% of the time! You know what they say about old dogs and new tricks. LOL

BTW, J called me yesterday to ask me "Maw, how is our family dog?" His adopters would have a fit if they heard that one.

Anonymous said...

Robin,

Glad to hear Rocky is better!

Dogs and begging are famous. I told my daughter who has two golden retrievers that she spoils them. They lay in the kitchen while we are trying to prepare our family meals. They don't lay off to the side, they lay right under the meat carver which is my daughter's hubby he usually makes sure they get a few pieces.

Bad habits die hard as we know especially when it comes to dogs.

Your son J. calling and asking how the family dog is really precious.
He loves him, even grown, tough, men love animals and I am glad they show it.

Good luck with the retraining.

g

too bad about the adopters..lol

Joan M Wheeler, born as, Doris M Sippel said...

Robin,

Hope by now your pet is home and doing better. My daughter (age 22) came home last night with a sick kitten. A friend of a friend of a friend gave the kitten to her father who didn't want a sick kitten so my daughter brought her home. In a carrying cage, with food and no litter. What a mess.

They just left for the SPCA. I feel so sad to say no, that we can't afford a pet. We can't afford to live now, anyway. But we really would feel better to have a pet. Our rabbit died last winter, so we've been sad.

Not having enough money to buy ourselves food means we cannot take care of a pet. It's not the same thing as the loss of a child to adoption. I wish all people could have a sense of that loss so they wouldn't encourage permanent separation of mother and child. It is so cruel.

Robin said...

You're very right, Joan. It isn't as bad or as life-altering as losing a child to adoption. There are just similarities that were triggering to me. Any kind of loss or separation triggers me. Frankly, I am surprised that so many of us survived with our self-esteem intact (and THAT, we had to fight for).