Friday, January 28, 2011
The idea of the mother being a mere platform on which the adopted person stood to gain their rights is one that cannot succeed. Working together in mutual support can and will succeed if we follow through. Perhaps we are finally maturing and realizing that, good reunion or bad reunion, all arguments over who was more damaged aside, we need each other. What a concept.
Not all of us are on the same page. Not all of us will be. There are egos and cherished angers and a lot of other dynamics going on. There are some so damaged that their input could be toxic to the goal. No one has said this would be a fairy tale where the records were opened and everyone lived happily ever after.
But there are enough of us seeing the big picture to make a noise loud enough to be heard, one that can't be ignored. I am looking into venues where the SMAAC Position on Equal Access can be published in order to reach more people. The help of our adopted friends would go a long way, here. Attaching the position statement to their own sites and publications would help. Some have already done so.
This act of the NMoms stems from a long, frustrating journey. Our displeasure at certain entities in the Industry and those who adopt for presuming to speak FOR us is at a peak. We're mad as Hell and are not going to take it any longer. If you want to know how a mother feels and what a mother thinks, ask a MOTHER, not an adoption lobbyist, an adoption think-tank or an adopter. That should be a no-brainer, yet I see media coverage of the open records debate that either does not include a Natural Mother or only includes one who is sympathetic to adoption. That's like asking a Stepford Wife if she is happy with her life.
Our silence has been too loud and those of us who began to speak out, earlier, had to shout ourselves hoarse to be heard above it. We were told to go and never tell and too many of us took that to heart. Millions of us have hidden in plain sight for decades. I came out of the fog 18 years ago and it was like being able to breathe after being caught in a dust storm.
Those of us who questioned the necessity for adoption, who talked about justice and acknowledgement for the mothers and who felt our issues were also important were described as radical, militant, strident, bitter and angry (like anger is a bad thing?)...you name it. Sticks and stones will break our bones, but tell the truth and you're a bitch. Well, we're still standing and still saying the same thing. And we have our self-respect...something the industry and all who contributed to our tragedy tried to take from us forever.
The wall is not down. The bastion of adoption mythology still stands and OBCs and other records are still held hostage. But, after this week, I discern a bit of a crack in the mortar. SMAAC Moms...we done good!