FACT: Being unmarried and/or young and/or financially dependent and/or still in the process of getting an education does not make any woman or girl less a real mother.
FACT: If a young lady is old enough to have a baby, she is old enough to be called a Mother. Babies do not have babies. At age 14 and up, our bodies are the bodies of women capable of fertility, passion and all the other things parents don't like to admit exist.
FACT: Antiquated religious beliefs and reactionary social mores have criminalized the act of love and the birth of a child outside the man-made institute of marriage.
FACT: Illegitimacy is a man-made concept for the benefit of the patriarchy and really has nothing to do with an innocent child or the marital status of that child's mother. Every child has a right to be here, whether the name he/she bears is the mother's or the father's.
FACT: Adult Natural Mothers and Adopted people can handle the same rights as everyone else and the freedom of association that will allow us to pursue or not pursue relationships as we choose.
FACT: Natural Mothers and Adult Adoptees do not need self-appointed spokespeople...especially from those who support the adoption industry.
FACT: Most Natural Mothers are NOT fragile flowers needing protection, anonymity or avuncular concern from institutes and organizations.
FACT: While we might disagree among ourselves on certain points, we all agree that closed records are a violation of our human rights.
FACT: It would cost less to help a new mother and her child than it takes to supply adopters with subsidies. A hand up is different from a hand out.
FACT: Coercion, conditioning and social mythology that bring about surrender are real problems that can only be solved by massive doses of truth.
FACT: If you accept your adult child/natural mother into your life, openly, your nose won't fall off and the world won't stop turning.
FACT: Blood ties DO matter.
FACT: NO ONE is entitled to the child of another woman by "virtue" of infertility.
FACT: The major causes of infertility are delayed childbearing, STDs, obesity, smoking and other lifestyle choices.
FACT: There is no such thing as a "Triad" in adoption. Natural Mothers and Adoptees have no power or equality. That commodity belongs to the agencies, brokers, adopters, workers and others who profit or benefit from our loss.
FACT: Those who adopt are not perfect saints nor or they better people than the majority of natural mothers.
FACT: Too many people don't want to accept or even know these simple, true facts.
FACT: It seems everyone who is not directly connected to adoption "knows someone" who adopted or who was adopted or surrendered a child who is just deliriously happy about it all.
*sigh
18 comments:
Robin, as you probably know I do a video kind of blog sometimes..... I would love to read this entry - with proper credit - on one of those entries.... Please let me know.
Sure...let me know when you publish it, Lori. I'd like to see it.
Here's another one,
FACT: Being poor and young are temporary problems that do not always warrant a permanent solution.
Right on point as usual wish all people could read these
important lessons.
Those that make money off of mothers and babies don't
want these facts to get out they have spent a lot of time
demonizing young mothers in order to get the commodity
for their profit. Adopters back that up by creating the market for babies. We mother's are looked down upon for
doing the very thing they can't do have a baby. In order to justify their need the adopters appear to be better off as they maybe married or working at the moment. That doesn't mean they will stay married or keep working these
are facts. Adopters aren't any better off than we young moms in fact they maybe less stable because they are hunting for a baby any baby.
Well said, concise, accurate and, since they obviously have problems with comprehension, simply said, Thanks, Robin, for summing it all up so nicely! NOW let them try and talk for us!!! We can just send them a copy of this. Would you mind if I put this up on SMAAC's website?
Don't mind at all, Sandy. Thanks.
well written......I would like to pass along to other natural mother friends? Linda in WI
Luv luv luv it.
Fact: Once you make it public that you have given up a child, people stop talking behind your back.
@Linda...sure, pass it along.
I have two children, though the legal system says I only have one.
My first child was conceived and born completely within wedlock.
My second child was born out of wedlock and bore my last name at birth.
Guess which one was adopted.
The first one! (by his grandparents)
My husband and I started out more or less able to afford a child because he was active-duty Army and his s?!tty pay was supplemented by great benefits. But he got into trouble, lost his rank, and lost his pay, and I was the one who turned him in for his crimes so I had to leave him immediately. I'd had a job, but it didn't pay much and my savings had been devastated by us trying to catch up with stupid consumer debt. I had to start over with pretty much nothing.
My daughter was born under impoverished circumstances almost nine years after my son. But I had better help the second time around. And, ironically, the same ex-in-laws who had drained my bank account within a month after the breakup (telling me I had no right to money from an account with my name on it--and they had my ex's power of attorney so there was nothing I could do), and left me desperate for help with my son, stepped up to the plate the second time around even though my daughter was no relation of theirs. Eventually my daughter's dad wised up too--he'd helped with money but what I'd really needed from him was the extra pair of hands that is the POINT of a child having two parents.
Being poor isn't the problem. Being poor without any damned help is the problem. And there are very good reasons society doesn't offer that help. They benefit too much from poor women's pain.
Expecting women in less than perfect circumstances to choose adoption is like getting a biopsy, then killing yourself before you even hear whether the growth is benign or malignant.
Great post Robin!! I am often amazed at how much fact has been replaced with fiction just so certain persons can get their own way. Thanks for straightening out the facts again :)
Robin, it will be in the next couple of days. I am kind of stacked up on some things.... but I love this post and it is so wonderfully written - so sweetly readable and so very right - I will definitely like doing this! I will give you a link when it is done ok?
OK by me, Lori.
Great post! Love it!
San Diego Mobile Notary
Kitta here:
remember when being young, poor and having children was okay? It wasn't all that long ago..when people used to say"if you wait until you can afford kids you won't ever have them."
Young parents were expected to need help, and no one thought they should be "rich" or have a huge house...or a fancy college degree.
Lots of my high school friends, in the 1960s, married right after graduation, and had babies right away. They were "teenage mothers" and no one thought they were "babies having babies"...
Then, in the 1970s, when single moms began to keep their babies in large numbers...poor, young parents began to be demonized even if they were married!!
This wasn't the "shame" of being unmarried..it was the 'shame" of being "poor."
The industry was at work, finding new ways to get babies, even as the laws were changing to give parents stronger civil rights.
Thank you, Robin!
Robin - my web cam finally decided to record - I am posting the recording on youtube - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwZrUS6UcuU I hope it meets your expectations!
Ok - I will have to do it another way - maybe make two - sigh..... Sorry about that.
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