I am beginning to think that, if both parties work at it, reunion, like water, will eventually find its own level. My daughter and I seem to be approaching a comfort zone, a place where we both can feel truly at ease with each other. It will be 14 years come April 30, 2007. I would say that we have definitely given it our best effort and it's paying off.
I couldn't help but think how I would have felt, 15 years ago, had I received the call I did today. She just needed some input on an anniversary dinner she was putting together for her in-laws, but the pure ease and normalcy of that simple call blew me away. We discussed the virtues of wiping mushrooms rather than washing them and debating how much garlic without ever thinking about how this whole phone call, had the adoption industry and the "keepers of the keys" had their way, might have never happened.
She also mentioned a person who had been posting on a MySpace group where she does a bit of adoption-related messaging. It seems that this was someone that wanted to upset everyone's apple cart and she was complaining a bit about their foul language. Then she mentioned a potential adopter entering the group, wanting pointers from "bee-mommies" and other people who had adopted about how to find a baby. It seems that didn't sit too well with my eldest child. She more or less let the trolling PAP know that she didn't have a right to take a baby from anyone, infertility aside.
It seems that, while not as 100% militant anti-adoption as her Mom, my precious apple didn't fall far from the tree. She definitely has some 95% anti-adoption genes. There was a time when she would have told me that adoption was Divinely Orchestrated and Meant To Be. She has come so far and I knew that the strength and the savvy was all there, underneath the grateful adoptee surface, ready to burst forth in all its glory.
We had a really good discussion about angry adoptees and frozen mothers of loss and then she was off to work on her dinner party. And as usual, she ended the conversation with, "I love you, Mom." And I said, "I love you too, BabyGirl." This was a GOOD day.