Aw, Ya Went And Got Yerself Pregnant!

That title says something about how women seem to be the ones who are responsible for everything sexual that goes on in this world. Somehow, a lot of folks don't hear that noise generated by the hurried unzipping of many a fly. Funny, but I remember that eighth-grade biology really emphasized how it takes a male to impregnate a female of most species, including homo sapiens.

To elaborate upon a theme, I noticed that one of the weapons used to keep us mothers silent and in our places has lost its effectiveness among those of us who think for ourselves. Some of the self-righteous, closed-records set still try to use the old, "well, you are the one who spread your legs" put-down as the killing point of their argument. They, of course, neglect to mention that we had a little help in that department.

What gives me the giggles is the fact that many of these blue-nosed hypocrites expect us to still feel guilty about having sex outside the holy chains of matrimony. Grow up, People! In the years since many of us awakened from the sleep of the good, little barfmuggle, we have learned a bit about life and truth. I do not feel the least bit repentant about having sex with my daughter's father. I was young, passionate and believed myself to be deeply in love. That happened to many a young woman in my time. Some were lucky and didn't get caught with a baby bump, some were suddenly wed in a whirlwind ceremony and some became part of the natural cycle of life and inmates of maternity prisons.

Very few of my contemporaries made it to their wedding bed, virginity intact. None of the young men from my era would admit to being a virgin when they got married. *wink, nudge* Yet we still have to deal with the anti-mother, closed records nimrods who will, when they run out of arguments, trot out the sex/sin card. Puleeeze!

Let me enlighten these folks. We are not complaining or repentant or regretful about our sexual activity during the EMS. We are angry about our treatment, about having our babies coerced from us, about being treated like non-mothers when our hearts and our bodies knew better, and about being left totally out of the loop when it comes to being allowed to speak for ourselves. Why would we go along with the agencies, adoption attorneys and the NCFA, who trot out (natural)mother privacy at the hint of an open records bill? They are not authorized to speak for us. That would be like allowing the fox to speak for the hens. If there are so many mothers who want to stay in that bad-girl closet in which you tried to imprison us, let them show their faces. So far, all we have seen are allusions to anonymous Jane Does in less than convincing numbers. If they are still allowing any person, institution or social group to keep them wrapped in a shroud of shame, then that's a problem they need to discuss with a good therapist.

Now hear this! For every shame-filled closet dweller from the EMS, there are scores of us unrepentant, unapologetic mothers who feel that a life-long stigma and separation from our children is too big a punishment for the non-crime of unwed sexual activity. Being overcome by passion, being swayed by the amorous whispers of a randy suitor and giving in to the dream of love, those things have happened since the beginning of recorded history, still happen and will happen in the future. So why do these hateful , spiteful mother-dissers think that we are going to fold and cry "Uncle!" just because they pull out the old "you're the one who raised your skirt" ploy?

I come from the Bible-Belt south. I was raised with southern Baptists and Victorian sexual attitudes. My sex education was less than informative. I lived with the shame thing for quite a while until I stopped comparing my insides with the outsides of others and started learning about human nature. I even took the blame for being raped by the father of my oldest son. If I can shed that shame, anyone can. And shed it, I did!

Let's get real. If you want to debate us, then give us some logical arguments. Stop with the attempts at emotional bullying by pulling out the dusty, irrational "naughty girl" crap. I am confident that I speak for many of us when I say we won't blush, retreat or hang our heads when you do that.

We'll just shake our heads and wonder if that is the best you can do.