Some may have noticed that I do not publish hostile, argumentative or mean-spirited comments, but I do read them all. It amazes me how many people scan but do not read and how many will take, or omit, one section or sentence out of context of the entire message. I also do not publish comments from people who tell me I should watch out what I say, be careful about what I say (I already do both), or who ridicule good people.
To the infertile, potential adopter who responded to my post about taking responsibility for situations; you must have missed the sentence where I stressed that not all people are infertile due to their own activities. You and others like you, though, are in the minority with the leading causes of infertility still being delayed childbearing, STD's and other lifestyle choices. Check with the medical researchers. And, even though it is unfortunate, and I am sure, painful, that you are infertile through no fault of your own, that infertility still does not give you the right to "parent" someone elses' child. I stand by my original statement and post.
To the adoptee who had the recalcitrant mother who insisted that surrender was her idea and that she wanted no contact with her adult child; Dear, I am so sorry. She is either terrified, brainwashed, ignorant or a combination of all three. Yes, such mothers exist, but our experience shows them, again, to be in the minority. Having such a mother, as well, does not allow or excuse hostility towards all mothers of loss to surrender. I know many adopted adults, reunited, who "get it" and who don't like what was done to us. Please note, I said "many," not "all." Again, I stand by my statement and original post.
We who are speaking out against the adoption industry, the crimes against mothers during the EMS and who are trying to reach our younger sisters with the truth of our experience are not speaking for everyone across the board. There are a few of us who did drink the Kool Aid the industry forced on us and that is heart-breaking.
And there are a few potential adopters who were hit by lightening where their infertility is concerned and we feel bad for these people. BUT, pretending to be the mother and father of another woman's child really doesn't work. You are still infertile, even after you adopt, and you have the disadvantage of not naturally having that "die for my child" bond. Having friends who have adopted and also had children of their own, I know, from their own words, that there is a difference. While the drive to reproduce is a natural one, adoption is NOT reproduction.
If someone is born without legs, they may be fitted with prostheses, but they will never have legs. A child should never be used as a prosthesis or panacea to fill a personal need.
A child should never be used, period.