The Problem With Pissing Contests

With the publishing of the very inadequate Evan B. Donaldson Institute Report on the Welfare of the (Natural Parent), the original family preservation groups and blogs are sprouting trolls and hit and run, anonymous detractors faster than a teenager can grow pimples. We've already seen how the threatened and the terminally resentful can overrun public boards such as the msnbc board and others.

I've had a hit or two, myself, here on this blog and I might or might not address them. But I am starting to question responding to people who post as "anonymous" and who want to deride rather than question. You can get into an endless dialogue with these folks and it never ends. The more attention you give to their attacks, the happier they are. I sort of liken them to the old "heavy breather," the obscene phone caller. The more you talk to them, even if you are telling them what inadequate excuses for men they are, the better they like it and the more aroused they become.

I have a policy of stopping the endless, angry debates before they can start on this blog. "Delete" is the new American power word. I'm here to air my views and experience with the failed social experiment of adoption and that's it. I have found a lot of the debates to be non-productive and a waste of valuable time. The fact is that none of the trolls, the arrogant and the assumptive have done anything but intensify our resolve. The work goes on and we still speak out so what have these intruders actually accomplished with their insults and tirades? ZIP...that's what.

I had a fosterer/adopter post a "shame on you" comment, not too long ago, with references to the usual crackwhore moms and abandoned children. I deleted her post because we let this kind of thing detract from our main focus and that is the millions of totally unnecessary separations of children from perfectly good mothers that has happened and does happen because the public does NOT KNOW THE TRUTH about adoption. We have our own ideas, as well, about what to do concerning the children whose mothers actually ARE incapable of keeping their children and it doesn't include adoption. We have stated and stated that and they still drag up the old distractions.

Remember the red herring of the dreaded unisex public restrooms used against the ERA a few decades ago? This is the same thing...a philosophy and strategy of the worst possible scenario and fear having very little to do with the big picture. They keep trying to poke holes with the same old awl and it's getting dull.

Those of us who put ourselves out in the public eye with our blogs and letters, etc., know that there are going to be the people who see us as a stationary target. I have been called everything from the standard old "angry and bitter" (well, DUH), to a "birther" to an "Ignorant Yank (courtesy of a member of the UK contingent)" to a "piece of work." I think I can live with those non-sticks and stones. I consider the source.

So, I intend to continue to pick my debates, carefully. I might entertain engaging an opponent whose true objective is a genuine pro and con exchange. But the mom-haters, the self-entitled and the just plain nasty with their vicious one-liners that just want to push a button and call names and pick at their own scabs can apply elsewhere. I might answer you once, but life is too short to be drawn into your dance of hostility.

So I wonder if we need to stop subjecting ourselves to the no-win reactions to the pouters and doubters and troublemakers. We have a course ahead of us...for some of us that means healing and for others it means activism and for many, it includes both. Why let ourselves get embroiled in melees that are ultimately pointless and non-productive? The truth is going to get told, published and spread regardless of the best efforts of the adopta-troll. Sometimes, the best way to show these "folks" how we view and value their comments is by ignoring them.

I also think we need to look at the kind of panic that fuels a lot of the attacks. I believe that it is beginning to dawn on these people that adoption is going to be exposed for what it really is, a failed, cruel and unnatural social experiment and that the adoption industry's days are numbered. A house of cards, in which too many placed too much faith, is falling. A lot of these trolls and attackers might just be seeing a truth that scares them to death. People who think they are cornered tend to fight dirty.

In a real fight, if one combatant goes by the Marquis of Queensbury rules while the other uses mercenary tactics, the noble warrior will be carried out on his shield. We're not banging heads, for the most part, with people that want a fair fight or anything other than to get a rise out of us. I can see taking our message to the public boards to maintain a balance and the brave women who have done that deserve our respect and our thanks. But for those trolls and tricksters that hit the adoption boards and blogs? Well, I really think we have more important things to do.