Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Keeping Christmas

There have been years when I felt like a female, modern Scrooge. I went through the motions, but felt no lifting of the spirits or extra warmth towards my fellow man/sister women. I shopped, I bought and I decorated, but it was all done on "Holiday Auto-Pilot."

You'd think that, this year, I would really be a Grinch on Wheels. I missed the opportunity to go visit my children and deliver their presents due to a bad case of the flu which turned into something worse (I'm much better, now). My 92-year-old Mother-in-law's significant other passed away, early yesterday, and I heard Mom cry for the first time in the 18 years I have known her. My younger daughter is having a spell of bad luck, job-wise and the dishes I ordered came to me with half of them broken. One of my nieces is being a total putz and my sister-in-law is heartbroken over it. My grandson is spending Christmas in the DMZ in Korea, and I won't see my kids, grandchildren or great-grandchildren this Christmas.

Why is it, then, that I am croaking out the Carol of the Bells as I do housework and humming while I wrap the last of the gifts? Why am I walking around the neighborhood after dark, now that I am able, to admire the lights and decorations? I'm not even put off of the spirit of the season by this terrible, non-winter weather that I have complained about for the past 10 years since I moved here to FL. Have I been visited by the three spirits, Past, Present and Future, and seen the light?

Nah! I just think that, by the grace of whatever Power there is, I am living in the here and now and not sweating the small stuff. Even the biggies come with that invisible label that I have learned to read that says, "This, too, shall pass." I have come to a place of peace with my reunited children and have a more philosophical attitude and less expectations. I am grateful that all are alive, well and working at life, even if they screw up from time to time. I have my husband with me and he's well and doing what he wants to do which is work...a lot. Right now, I am better, the lights are lovely and the fight against the adoption industry and adoption injustice will still be there after the Holidays.

So, in the here and now, I am going to relax, enjoy my husband, play some Christmas music, spend some time with my Mom-in-law and be glad I can do those things. Sometimes you have to just slow down and be a regular person rather than always being a Warrior Mother. I keep reminding others that we do have a life that is apart from these blogs and groups and adoption. I'll practice what I preach then, right now, I think I'll wait for my screen-saver. It shows a snow-storm. Merry Christmas.


Pam Webb said...

Hi Robin!
So wonderful to read your post. When I think of what we firstmothers -in -reunion have gone through over the years it boggles my mind and I'm glad that you have come to this place of peace as indeed have I. Do you still write poetry? I remember reading it on the Sunflowers list years back .

Robin said...

Hi Pam, good to hear from you. My poetry is sporadic and usually is sparked by sad or painful emotions. Now, I tend more to prose, essays, posts and just getting on with it. Glad to know that you are in a good place.


iris eyes said...

Robin,it surely is true that as we get older and time winds down, it becomes more precious...

so it is good to know you are enjoying where you are now in your life...and the children and grandchildren..the rightness of that..and the peace..even if everything isn't yet perfect.

It is still perfectly good.

kim.kim said...

Merry Christmas to you too Robin. This Warrior Woman intends to wear her slippers and pjamas for as long as possible on Christmas and watch tv in bed with her pug. I am going to phone my daughter and hear her voice.

This year I feel celebration and joy in my heart. Not because everything is perfect it's just kind of accidentally like that.

Hope you have a good New Year too. I look forward to more posts from you.

all the best

Robin said...

We're having an early dinner on Monday down at my sister-in-law's house and then DH and I are going to sneak out to the movies. We have 10 whole days, starting tomorrow, to do whatever we want or NOT do what we DON'T want. LOL. Kim, enjoy your warm slippers and PJ's and give that pug a hug for me.

Robin said...

iris eyes, I think that is where I am...things don't HAVE to be perfect, anymore.