I am a female Don Quixote of adoption, I guess...I dream the (almost) impossible dream of enabling mothers to avoid the trap of adoption altogether. In the event that a woman is totally and truly unable to care for her child, I'd like to see us find a way to care for children in need that doesn't include requiring them to call genetic strangers "mom and dad" and to lose their original last name and heritage and extended family.
Someone, on another blog's comments page, suggested that we need to warn potential adopters about the pain and the problems inherent in being adopted or surrendering a child to adoption. It's not the potential adopters I want to warn except to warn them away. I want to warn the potential mother who will lose a whole lot more than the popular "view" of adoption would allow her to believe. But so many of them are resistant when they have the wannabe adopters love-bombing them and the agency shills telling them to ignore us. No, she usually finds that we knew what we were talking about, sadly, after it is too late. The online support groups and counselor's offices are full of these women and I feel their pain.
I find mainstream infant adoption to be totally avoidable since it involves the mythology that has been perpetuated in our society that adoption can be used like a benign form of extremely late-term birth control and confers the status of heroine on the surrendering mother (until the adopters want you out and gone) and the halo of a rescuing saint on the adopter. Rubbish! How would you like to know that YOUR mother didn't keep and raise you because she "didn't have room in her life for a baby right now, wanted to finish college first and have a career and these nice people who couldn't have their own babies wanted you?" It breaks my heart when I hear some of these adopted people refer to themselves as "9-month abortions." At least my surrendered children know that I was given absolutely no choice in the matter. The brainwashing of the American public and the manipulation of the modern-day mother is heinous and corrupt and sickening to watch.
It's all a frustrating insanity and I am through trying to fix an old car that is not running well or adjust the smeary picture on a bad tv screen...I'm for junking it all and bringing in a new model. OK..feel free to hack away at the rabid, bitter, angry, strident anti-adoptionist. I can't guarantee that I will pay any attention, though. ;)