..get a very skewed bunch of answers. The question, put to the readers and contributors of "Yahoo Answers" was "Does any adoptive mother or adult adoptee truly know the inhumane, graphic details of what happened to the Surrendering Mothers during the Era of Mass Surrenders?
That time in the years of Post WWII thru 1973? Do you really know what happened to us Senior Surrendering Mothers? Or do you really choose to believe in the supposed 'voluntary' surrenders we supposedly 'voluntarily' participated in? Would you choose to know the graphic details of our experiences prior to the act of adoption? While we were pregnant, L&D, Post-partum..prior to surrender and/or the finalization of adoption. Would you want to hear the Ugly Truth in how our babies came to be surrendered and adopted?? (question asked by shadowwinter)
Most of the answers were either avowals of complete ignorance or denials hinting that we were unfit and were active participants in the "decision" to surrender our babies. Anyone who has taken the time to read Ann Fessler's "The Girls Who Went Away," has surely absorbed at least a glimmer of the truth of that era. But too many wear ear plugs, blinders and do not speak of what they know, in their hearts, to be true.
Those of us in reunion are now having to explain the situation to our adult children who range in age from their 40's up to their early 60's. The biggest concentration of EMS adoptees are in their 40's. Along with these explanations of the times and the social climate of those years, they are having to confront the real probability that their adopters knew how we were being isolated, shamed, used, abused and discarded. It's not an easy thing for an adopted person to accept and understand. My daughter spent a lot of time trying to get me to understand why her adopters behaved in the manner in which they did (which was horrible and insulting) even though she knew they were wrong in their attitudes. What she didn't realize was that I did understand their fear, but that the situation and their reasons did not justify their actions or attitudes.
Whether the adult adopted person from that era or their adopter want to accept or admit it, these covetous couples KNEW what was being done to us, knew we were being treated as deviant, amoral, social "problems" and KNEW that we were in deep pain when our children were taken from us. Maybe they sort of bought the social workers' reassurances that we would go on to live full lives, have other children and everything would be just hunky-dory because they wanted to buy it. But, in the back of the female adopter's mind, there was that fear and prejudice. One adopter from that era was very frank with me when she told me that the thought of her adopted children finding their mothers and having relationships with them was "her worst nightmare."
I think this just goes to show the fact that no one can live, comfortably, in a lie, even a legal lie, for very long. And, in the end, most of those legal lies have come back to bite a lot of the people involved in the ass.
What is happening today is built on the arrogant use of young, single mothers during the EMS. This is why we Senior mothers, members of SMAAC, address that era and that era ONLY. We were overtly forced, bullied and coerced. As time went by and the industry used media, slick spin doctoring, and the vision of the surrendering mother as a heroine, the mothers and their families were more hoodwinked and conned. It's hard, in either instance to admit, as Senior Moms, that we had no control or autonomy, or, as the younger moms, that they got scammed. big time. These young "heroines" are the ones who show up one or two or three years later, on our support groups, in tears, trying to deal with the pain.
The fact that we have posted our fingers bloody, trying to dissuade a new mother-to-be against surrender goes unheeded. One such mother accused us of not speaking out soon enough to save her from her fate. Honey, we've been yelling at the top of our lungs for decades, only to have you and others like you, call us "bitter old birthmoms" or "bobs" which, also stands for "battery operated boyfriend.(dildoes)" Being insulted doesn't exactly encourage us to help you.
Someone, yesterday, sent me a link to a story about a natural mom who killed her child. That is sick and sad and, only accounts for a very, very small minority of natural mothers. I can direct this same person to a huge page of stories about adopters and foster parents killing and abusing the children in their care. Just take one of the links to your right about "Adoptor Abuse" and the one about Russian adoptees. You will quickly see that your argument is moot and irrelevant to our movement. We are not abusers. We are mothers and damn good ones, at that.
What we'd like to see is just a few HONEST answers to a very honest question. I have a feeling that will not happen in my lifetime.