Mixers and Poseurs

There is always someone around who wants to stir things up for attention, malice, or whatever. Those who complain about the numerous organizations for mothers with different designations or needs tend to be those who, themselves, were instrumental in bringing about some of the rifts. The fact is that there are mothers of all sizes, shapes, flavors and colors whose needs are not exactly the same. Anyone who wants to pour us all into one pot and stir will get a noxious brew that is unpalatable and just causes one to run in circles without any real results. These are the mixers, the ones who provoke in a passive/aggressive style and then deny their intent. These are the ones who are anathema to the goals of any of the mothers' groups.

There are some moms who are still searching and have yet to learn a lot about what was actually done to them, there are some who are older and want to have the particular trespasses of their era addressed, others who need help in dealing with reunion, some in "open" adoptions....the list can go on and on. Some were coerced, some were brainwashed and some believed the hype until it was too late.

I am a member of some support groups where there are mothers just starting to deal with the many aspects and heartaches of reunion. I am not the militant activist there that I am in SMAAC or here, on my blog. That is because the need is DIFFERENT! (Maybe if I shout, someone might get the message.)

This is the reason we have formed SMAAC (Senior Mothers Adoption Activism COALITION) as, not only a group to seek redress for the horror of the mass surrenders during our era, but as a way to be open to what any other groups are doing and, if it meets our criteria, act in support. Motherhood and the loss to adoption are the thread that loosely ties us together, but circumstances, eras, state of reunions, and attitudes give us different needs.

I went out to Geneva, FL, to a wonderful horse farm there to visit a friend, not too long ago. There were horses everywhere but there were different areas for different horses. The breedable mares and the stallions were kept separate for obvious reasons. There were geldings, yearlings, the untrained and, in another place, the steady, trained, trail-riding mounts. There were roans, blacks, pintos, palominos, whites, Appaloosas, mustangs, huge draft horses and Arabians. Due to the different temperaments and uses, these various animals were kept in their own areas. Yes, they were all horses, but with very different needs. Some could pasture and feed together, some could not...but yes, they were all horses. Mothers of adoption loss? Same thing.

Now, I might be wrong, but I question the motives of anyone who wants to lump us all together in one "brew." Could it be that someone wants to be a big fish in a big pond rather than a big fish in a little pond? I rather think that could possibly be the case. Inflated ego and arrogance are terrible things in anyone, even a Mother of Adoption Loss.

In any event, SMAAC, BSERI and other groups will continue to do what they need to do to meet the needs of their particular constituents. We are not just going to jump into a cauldron and will not be assimilated by the Mother of Adoption Loss Borg. Resistance is not only NOT futile, it is necessary. We have to do what we have to do for ourselves. No one else is going to do it for us.

So, quote Gandhi or MLK or anyone else....these people were devoted to a cause for a specific group of people....so are we. BN works for the adopted person...nothing else. They sure as heck won't get thrown into a witch's kettle and neither will we! We work for the good of the Senior Mother and we are proud of our designation, even when there are those who would mock it.

Wicked potion brewers never learn.