Oh, but dear Anonymous, they WERE there. They were part of the system, the society, the attitude and were the beneficiaries, along with the agencies, of our suffering. They knew who was being expelled, fired, sent to "live with and aunt" and who returned a few months later, an emotional basket case. They were the ones who whispered behind the backs of the girls who "got caught" while many of them were doing the same thing but were not caught or else had daddies with deep pockets who could pay the right doctor to perform a "therapeutic D & C."
Why do you think a women would call the reuniting of her adoptee with the natural mother "her worst nightmare" if she didn't KNOW, in her heart, the kind of pain we were feeling. Oh, a lot of them have told themselves the same fairy tale, over and over again, until they can push the truth back into a dark corner of their mind, but, being women, they KNEW. They were able to convince themselves that we were irresponsible sluts to justify taking our children.They were also given a lot more information about us that most of them will let on, especially to the adoptee.
Those paragraphs in the surrender documents were not there to protect us "girls" (BTW, we are women, fully grown, now) but were placed there to protect adopters because they, adopters and facilitators, KNEW that the love of a mother was strong enough for her to want to seek out her child unless there were some strong threats to deter her. Most of us were threatened with jail and/or financial ruin for our families.
So don't try to hand me or my sisters from the EMS that kind of bull manure. They knew, the social workers knew and all the other who chastised, mistreated, denigrated, labeled, coerced and devastated us, INCLUDING THE ADOPTERS, knew. Unless you lived in that era, you couldn't possibly understand or see the truth when it is staring you in the face.
Most adopters are still in denial. The reason we are their worst nightmare is that they know our anguish and their culpability in it. They also know the difference between a mother/child bond and an attachment formed by a child so that that child can survive.
They didn't want to be told how much we were injured, but they KNEW. If they deny it, it is because they don't want that halo to show its tarnish. Their "joy" was our anguish and they KNEW. If they don't feel guilty about it, they should.
3 comments:
Robin, I don't believe adoptors are in denial, I believe they simply don't care how these babies/kids come to them...so long as the kids do come to them and keep coming to them. I.e., international adoptions, the news (paper/TV/internet) abounds with stories of kidnappings, stolen children, child trafficking rings, in all of the 3rd world countries from which so many adoptors are going to, to procure children for their parenting desires. Does this stop adoptors from trying to adopt from these countries, NO! The media is reporting constantly on this subject, just like the media did many, many decades ago about Unwed Mothers in America. The adoptors today will readily tell you, that yes, they hear of and read this as well. But of course, their adoptions are always on the up and up, and legal from the very same countries where child trafficking, stolen and kidnapped children is an everyday occurrence. How can they be so sure that the child they bought (O! excuse me..service fees), is not a stolen, kidnapped child? THEY CAN'T! But underneath it all they don't give a shit. Just by the sheer knowledge this child was born in a 3rd world country (and to a poor mother with no human rights), gives the adoptor all the justification they need for an international adoption. No different adoptor thinking, when domestic adoption (EMS/BSE) was all the rage! The unwed mother was just that..UNWED.. and most times in a very financially challenging position and that dear sisters and audience is all the justification an adoptor needed, domestically, to have her parenting desires fulfilled. This adoption clap-trap is not about 'saving children', it is without a doubt about serving the needs of the adoptor woman..many adoptor men are simply along for the ride with their wives. The adoptors of the past cannot say they didn't know, whenh the media was reporting on Unwed Motherhood (and their babies) on a large scale, which included news reports on unsavory characters running private maternity hospitals and homes, sometimes right out of the unsavory characters private homes! The prices that were being advertised/ charged to 'help' pregnant mothers in these 'homes' and 'hospitals', which included the 'price' for the baby, were printed in major newspapers thruout this nation. There was all manner of news reports about the Unwed Mother and her getting rich on 'relief' with her bastard children. Take those kids away!! Investigations into charges of stolen and kidnapped babies of unwed mothers, to include the quote by quote accounts in the courtroom. Investigations into 'baby farms', corrupt doctors and lawyers who were in the business of selling babies to infertile women. Which then led to the 'child-saving' adoption agencies, taking over the business of 'selling' children. Supposedly regulated and licensed by the states they were operating in. Yes, regulated and licensed baby selling to adoptors. Any OLD adoptor that says they didn't know where these 'orphan' babies came from are lying, plain and simple. To not know where these supposed 'orphan babies' came from and are coming from today, one would have to live in a cave, never read a newspaper/magazine, never watch TV and never venture onto the Internet. Adoptors are lying today, just like they were lying yesterday. But that's OK, they feel entitled to their lies for their justification processes, afterall they are only saving an orphan baby/child from their own poor mother, to them, a fate worse than death!! Hitler justified the genocide of the Jewish population and many people came to agree with him, when the mantra was repeated over and over again, whether outloud and/or in one's head. A lie repeated often enough, can make one believe that Heaven is Hell and Hell is Heaven, so said Hitler in 'Mein Kampf'! So it is also in the World of Adoption!!!!
I would also like to add to my previous comment. The one thing that was not reported on in the American media, during the EMS/BSE, was the horrendous, abusive (mentally & physically) treatment that was practiced on and against pregnant and newly delivering/delivered unmarried mothers while they were living in maternity homes, wage homes, in their own homes, in the hospitals, what the social workers were saying to us behind closed doors, the medical malpractice that doctors and nurses afforded us while having our babies and after our babies birth. That's the stuff that wasn't talked about, nor reported about, but it was definitely happening. That's the 'stuff' the Adoption Industry of the Past, never wanted known in the light of day. They would tell us, never speak of this again, they would tell maternity home inmates...should they see each other after this 'unfortunate' incident was over, to never acknowledge each other in public should one run into another mother on the street. They would tell us..Just forget this ever happened! Well sorry folks, this is basically the same mantra I would hear from my step-father who would sexually abuse me thru out my young childhood. Don't tell anyone, this is just between you and me, you wouldn't want to make your mother upset, people will talk about you, or I will beat your ass! Just forget about it!! The social workers, the agency workers, the maternity home workers, the doctors, the nurses, the private adoption lawyers, ALL knew they were abusing us...and like my step-father abuser, they didn't want anyone to know outside of their conclaves, because what they were doing was so very WRONG, (if not criminal) and definitely abusive, and they KNEW it! But they still did 'it', just like my nightmare of a step-father still did 'it'..... And I never forgot!!!
They turn to their adoptees and to the mother and others with wide eyes and claim, "they just didn't know." But the did know and, like you said, Chris, as long as they got the kid, they didn't give a rat's rectum what was done to us to get that bay-bee.
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