The Graying of the Mothers

I've had a dear, close friend tell me she is backing away from adoption activism. Here's another strong voice for the BSE that is silenced by the fact that, as we get older, our health is not as good and we get so tired.....tired of the BS, the infighting, the egregious machinations of the industry and its proponents. It's harsh in the land of natural family preservation. There is either the faction that wants to silence us or the others that think we need to march in lock-step or the others that think their way is the better way and kick us to the curb. There are the trouble-makers, the bitchers and the harassers and they come in all ages, there.

Those of us, who are fed up with it all, are withdrawing, more and more, into the comfort of our families and friends. We are losing hope of any significant change happening within our lifetime and are tired of putting ourselves out there as targets for the rabid pro-adoption faction, the industry, the eugenicists and the ignorant. We're just plain tired, period and I have the gray hair to prove it.

There are younger, more energetic voices that are working towards change, but they have a blind spot when it comes to the importance of the phenomenon of the BSE. Millions of us old, tired moms with the last part of our lives looking us smack in the kisser are being relegated to "well that's too bad...next?" status. One organization, in which I still hold a membership and have supported with my dues and my small donations, has, essentially, taken the BSE and blended it into the whole of adoption, mixing to try to dilute the unique characteristics of an era that is, sorry kids, vitally important if you want to change adoption. I feel betrayed because they are the group with the name recognition and it is NOTHING like it was meant to be, now.

We BSE moms, on the other hand, are finding ourselves having to pay more attention to our health, our blood pressure, hearts, and all other bodily needs that can be affected by stress. I have been criticized for not publishing the adverse and argumentative (and even hateful) comments, saying that makes me ineffective in what I am posting, here. What people don't understand is that this is how I can keep my voice in this issue alive and, by hitting that "reject" button, I do my health a biiiiig favor. The pissing contests and trying to reason with the unreasonable are activities that have taken the starch out of me on too many occasions. I don't want to be as sick as I was last year, ever again.

I want to enjoy what is left of my life. I have heard the same comment from many other BSE moms. We've paid our dues and the only thing that we want now is recognition and justice. Aside from the positive impetus this would have for change, we just downright DESERVE some redress. But, we are not in the mainstream of those who want to "educate" adopters and facilitators...who just giggle to themselves and keep on picking our brains to see what kind of crumbs they can throw to us while they proceed on with the program of separating mothers and babies.

At least, here, I have a forum and there are plenty of readers who have contacted me and let me know that something I wrote helped them. That's all I need. I don't have to conform to the questionable standards of this person or that and I sure don't need to run my blood pressure up, just to get on an unending merry-go-round with a critic.

To my friend, Honey, I don't fault you, one bit, in your decision to take care of you, first. I've been there, done that, and will continue to do so. I'll just keep writing here and wondering about how the fishing is in WV. There is no need for either of us to die for the cause. Besides, the myth of adoption has already left a dead spot in our hearts. I think that's enough suffering for one lifetime..don't you?

(*For those who don't want to back-track and don't know what the BSE is; The Baby Scoop Era is a time period between the end of WWII and Roe v Wade, when a huge number, millions, of babies were taken from, usually single, young mothers and placed by adoption facilitators in secret, closed adoptions. The numbers are unprecedented and there has not been such a mass insult to single mothers since then. It still happens, but not in the numbers and not with the punitive pressure of an entire society behind it.)