Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Some Answers For a Good Question

Someone recently raised the question of what happens to the mother who truly does not wish to raise a child. Should she be required to keep the baby in order to prevent adoptee issues from harming the child? I have to recognize the fact that there are those women who have no maternal feelings and who do not wish to raise children. I do not judge them. I respect those who are honest about it and I understand that it's still a world of individuals..different strokes for different folks is a truism.

My question, in return, would be, what would such a woman be doing risking pregnancy, then? In most places, unmarried women from the teen years on up, have access to something we didn't have in my, effective birth control. My niece (unmarried) recently had that new IUD inserted and is very happy with it. She is a single mom, raising two daughters and doesn't want any more. There is also the option of sterilization which can be done on an outpatient basis. I had my tubal ligation after the birth of my fourth child and it worked like a charm. Even at that time, they would not do the same thing for an unmarried woman in my state. Now, my husband's cousin, age 30 and with no children, who is immersed in her burgeoning career, has opted for a childless life and has had a tubal ligation. More power to her.

If, perish the thought, the birth control method failed, then there is the option, again, of a safe, medical, legal termination of the pregnancy. It is still the law of the land that a woman has this choice. My personal feeling is that I would rather see an embryo aborted than to see a child surrendered and told that his/her mother didn't want the responsibility of a child.

OK, so then we have the women who are, for religious or other reasons, opposed to abortion. Well, then I think someone had better either check with Daddy-kins or their own family members about raising this child in their families of origin or, bite the bullet and give the kid a chance to grow on you. You'd be surprised how those little critters can bore into your heart and lift your spirits.

I'm sorry, but I don't find the lack of maternal instinct a valid reason for surrender of a child for adoption. Women have more autonomy and more information than we BSE moms had. Many of us were not even knowledgeable about things such as birth control or the mechanics of pregnancy and childbirth. And we all know that condoms can fail, even for the young men who were thoughtful enough to use protection.

I know too damn many of these horny Lotharios who really didn't give a rat's ass because they knew that the onus would fall on the girl and all they would get would be a wink and a nudge and a good reason to avoid said girl's male relatives. In my day, as was pointed out by a friend on a support list, men grew up with the Playboy Philosophy and women were airbrushed sex objects, period. They weren't all like that, but I went through enough wrestling matches with dates to know this specious mindset was prevalent.

So, to the women who do not want the responsibility of raising a have your options and you can even have your relationships because you have access to what we didn't. If you know that is how you feel, then be proactive and do something before you enjoy your new boyfriend's favors. So many people decry using abortion as birth control...well, I find it to be damaging to a child and a mother to use adoption for the same reason. This, for the Senior Mother, was society's and our parent's form of birth control and all it has done is create broken hearts and confused adoptees.

If money is a problem, get thee hence to the nearest county Health Department. They will be thrilled to fix you up with whatever you need to stay in a non-fecund state.

Either that, or get thee to a nunnery. Abstinence works, but it sure isn't any fun, especially if you are over 21 and paying your own way. We have seen how well the "Abstinence-only" programs are doing. Human nature just seems to overrule that particular idea.


Anonymous said...


I feel there is no reason nowadays to get pregnant. None, whatsoever. If one does get pregnant there are so many more choices and that means having a choice between two or more things. A choice to do what is right for you and your baby!

If a woman doesn't want to be a parent,,take precautions!!!

My granddaughters will have a lot of options I never had but I want ALL seven to be able to make a choice should she find herself pregnant same goes for my grandsons all four of them, although, their situation is depends on a lot of things, mostly the pg woman.

At least my grandkids won't have to go through life, like I did for years, being separated from my son,then finding him alive, but still living with the lifetime of pain that goes with that loss.

I would never want anyone to have to go through what we have along with the pain our babies suffered.

As long as the religious crazies stay out of a woman's business they will be ok. Along with good birth control measures which teens are not taught. Hoping my "religious" granddaughter is NOT having sex like she claims. I know how fast that can change and it only takes one time. She was conceived that way. Her parents weren't teens they were mature 20 pluses and still had an unplanned pregnancy with forced marriage followed by a divorce.


Anonymous said...

I can remember as a teen in the sixties looking in encyclopedia to find out what was going on in my pregnancy!

I was a pregnant teen and in those days, there was absolutely nothing on teaching a pregnant woman what she was going to encounter. I also looked for some type of bcontrol which I found out was the ryhthm method and abstinence or in rare cases a young man who had the nerve to go and ask for rubbers as they were called, they had to ask the pharmacist who then would judge if they would give them out to him.

Embarrassing to a young man having sex but also a way to keep young women from getting protection they needed.

My boyfriend never used protection.

I found out what was going to happen to me by going through exams with the Dr. who usually did not tell me anything.

I also had a labor where I administered a gas to myself when pains came on this was at the end of my delivery of my baby.

This era the BSE was just absurd.
NO birth control, no help if one got pregnant, just the helping themselves to my baby!

Archaic, practices, and I guess they thought this would keep young teens from having sex?

Didn't happen sex is a natural act especially if one is in a relationship that I felt was
going to lead to our marriage.

What made sex unnatural was those who had other ideas to make it unnatural by condemning women for having sex, taking the baby for a another usually an infertile and not giving a young woman a chance to parent.

Criminal, inhumane, and cruel.

Now that I am thinking about it 42 years later I think those in power males maybe were trying to protect the young males that did have sex and got a girl pg.

After all they called it free love, guess that was no strings attached for the male and the mother relived of her baby without a choice.

Stupid me,I thought I was in love thats the difference between guys and girls. The guys think with their penis and girls think with their hearts.