Tuesday, March 16, 2010
But, while this wonderful thing has been happening, I have watched our group of mothers, who are tired of being dumped on, being dragged through the mud on blogs and message boards. I am totally fed up.
I can almost understand the adopted people who are being so vicious. They really have no conception of what the laws and life, in general, were all about in the EMS. Getting some of them to read the history is futile. They see the swinging 60's as a time of drugs, sex and rock and roll and don't realize the limitations of that kind of life to large cities and/or small but loud groups. Even in that decade, we were still seen as deviant and scofflaws if we had babies without the "legalization" of marriage. But, enough about that. These kids will either learn or they won't.
What really pisses me off is the mothers...good women, really, but not exactly supportive of their sisters...who pursue the belief that we have some kind of guilt-based OBLIGATION to support whatever the adoptee groups want in the way of open records legislation, regardless of how that legislation might treat the mother. Women who were formerly our friends are accusing us of misrepresentation on forums (that didn't happen) and chiding us for our refusal to be good little beemommies and put up with the nastiness.
I don't suffer the loss of friends very well. To see the factions and the fighting is heart-breaking. To be seen as the enemy by, not only adopted people, but other mothers is painful and frustrating. Yeah, you've succeeded in causing us some unpleasant moments. BUT, you haven't taken the fight out of us.
So here it is. We can either find some common ground and work together or I will be just as content to sit on my mountainside and watch the stumbling, bumbling and industry-run results and shake my head. I am tired of being judged by people who don't know me, watching women who have good minds and hearts losing their backbone to misguided guilt and seeing good friends being attacked on other venues. It's stupid, unnecessary and a waste of time and talent.
Oh, don't think I would be running away. I will still speak out when the ignorant diss mothers and their grief and loss. I will still engage in a smack-down whenever anyone tries to call me a "b****"mother or talks about how freakin' wunnerful adoption is. I will do everything in my power to keep young women from surrendering if I have a way to communicate with them. But I refuse to contribute what talents and energy I possess to timid, one-sided "baby steps" that are blatantly anti-mother.
Last night, I learned that one of the most knowledgable and caring mothers I know, who has been an activist longer than any of us, was mangled on another blog's comment section. I was tired from our long drive from WV to FL but I was so steamed it took me a while to get to sleep. Had I jumped in, I doubt if what I have to say would have been coherent due to fatigue and anger. I accepted a comment from the mother who publishes that particular blog and explained where we were in disagreement. Yet, over there, there was no one to agree to disagree with my friend.* They just wanted to tear her to shreds. I won't go look because I don't think it would help my state of mind. At this point, I am just ready to fight and I need to cool down.
This is the reason I don't publish argumentative or hostile comments on my blog. This is a safe place for our considered and thoughtful opinions and ideas....not a place to fight off the onslaught of offensive attitudes. But don't underestimate any of us. We have had enough and we are not afraid to take off the gloves and give as good as we get. Obviously, facts, reason and intelligent, rational thought are not effective.
If this is an example of how women treat each other, no wonder we haven't had a woman as president, yet. There seem to be more cats among us than lionesses.
( *I want to make a correction to what I have written. This is what I get for jumping before I read everything. It seems that there are some mothers, among them the mother who publishes the blog in question, that do agree with us about the medical records situation. I am sorry for my error. To the others, I give my children what they need out of love, NOT obligation. To use that term in a mother/adult child relationship is really obscuring all that the mother-child relationship is all about. )