Saturday, September 30, 2006

The Concern Of An Adult Child For Their MOM

This is so funny and so wonderful at the same time. I've had some "hate mail" over the item I posted about adoptors..comments that said I didn't LOSE my children..I gave them away..that stated I was NOT their Mother...and that called me, in one really mature piece of work, a "breeder." (Gareth, is that you, Honey Child?) With great glee and a feeling of goddess-like power, I consigned them to that darling little trash can and got on with things.

It didn't really bother me the way things like this have in the past, because I still have the sound of my oldest daughter's voice ringing in my ears and saying, "MOM, you get to the ER, right now! Do you need me to come down there?" So, I did as she and my raised daughter and husband all suggested out of, I highly suspect, love for me. Or, I guess she just really has a fondness for breeders, right? Excuse me while I indulge in validated hilarity.

I tend to shy away from the gooey-sweet article praising adoption and the families built on the tragic loss of mother and child to each other. It triggers me, I get angry and I post out of heated emotion. So I guess seeing what they know in their deepest guts is true, to be actually a tellable fact, triggers the adoptionists' ire and sends them screaming into vitriolic postings and denial. These posters don't want to believe the reality of the specious nature of adoption propaganda that tells a young woman that she can relinquish her child and have only the kind of grief that can be cured with a couple of sessions with some agency-toady-cum-"counsleor." They don't want to acknowledge the fact that the vast majority of losses to adoption should never have happened...and, in fact, had no really GOOD reason to happen. And the angry adoptee (I suspect) that called me a breeder doesn't want to face the fact that he/she can't tar all Moms with the same brush just because things didn't turn out well with his/her Mother.

I have long thought that any woman who benefits from the loss of another woman would have to know, deep in her gut, the price that was paid by the mother of the child she now calls hers and the enormous tragedy that was her lot and that of her child. This thing about adopters, epecially the women, believing that most Moms WANTED to be shed of their offspring is justification and denial and insecurity in the extreme. I have learned from some of these adopters who are ethical enough to be honest, that they now know that almost none of these losses should have ever happened and they also realize how little thought was given to the fate of the original mother/child bond. That realization has to be quite a blow to the heart of the truly good-intentioned among their number.

So, for those who would wish to diminish my role in the lives of my adult reunited children, sorry but you are missing something vital, here. They are the ones who decide what I am to them and I am the one who decides who and what I am, period, and no matter what your eugenics theory might say. They and I have decided....I'm MOM. No amount of nasty name-calling comments can or will change that.

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