Sunday, September 06, 2009

Clarity...It's Refreshing

Some may have noticed that I do not publish hostile, argumentative or mean-spirited comments, but I do read them all. It amazes me how many people scan but do not read and how many will take, or omit, one section or sentence out of context of the entire message. I also do not publish comments from people who tell me I should watch out what I say, be careful about what I say (I already do both), or who ridicule good people.

To the infertile, potential adopter who responded to my post about taking responsibility for situations; you must have missed the sentence where I stressed that not all people are infertile due to their own activities. You and others like you, though, are in the minority with the leading causes of infertility still being delayed childbearing, STD's and other lifestyle choices. Check with the medical researchers. And, even though it is unfortunate, and I am sure, painful, that you are infertile through no fault of your own, that infertility still does not give you the right to "parent" someone elses' child. I stand by my original statement and post.

To the adoptee who had the recalcitrant mother who insisted that surrender was her idea and that she wanted no contact with her adult child; Dear, I am so sorry. She is either terrified, brainwashed, ignorant or a combination of all three. Yes, such mothers exist, but our experience shows them, again, to be in the minority. Having such a mother, as well, does not allow or excuse hostility towards all mothers of loss to surrender. I know many adopted adults, reunited, who "get it" and who don't like what was done to us. Please note, I said "many," not "all." Again, I stand by my statement and original post.

We who are speaking out against the adoption industry, the crimes against mothers during the EMS and who are trying to reach our younger sisters with the truth of our experience are not speaking for everyone across the board. There are a few of us who did drink the Kool Aid the industry forced on us and that is heart-breaking.

And there are a few potential adopters who were hit by lightening where their infertility is concerned and we feel bad for these people. BUT, pretending to be the mother and father of another woman's child really doesn't work. You are still infertile, even after you adopt, and you have the disadvantage of not naturally having that "die for my child" bond. Having friends who have adopted and also had children of their own, I know, from their own words, that there is a difference. While the drive to reproduce is a natural one, adoption is NOT reproduction.

If someone is born without legs, they may be fitted with prostheses, but they will never have legs. A child should never be used as a prosthesis or panacea to fill a personal need.

A child should never be used, period.


Anonymous said...

You're so right, Robin.

Children are USED every single day all over this world to fulfill the NEEDS of childless couples who feel "incomplete" without a child. These people seek oversees adoptions or closed adoptions in their own country of babies and NEVER want the "lucky" child to be able to find his/her REAL parents.

I'll keep repeating myself like the adoption propaganda machine:

Adoptees are NOT blank flesh canvasses of which to paint identities onto.

We have a right to our biological identities and to our heritage. Keeping this information from us is DISCRIMINATION.

I WANT MY ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE. Not the falsified one that was created upon my adoption making my adoptive parents my biological parents. This is considered a LEGAL document? Common people forging such documents would be imprisoned, but our vital records offices do it every single day!!!

To the adoptive parent who jumped on Robin: IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.

Amyadoptee said...

I also want to stress even those who have been denied contact like me do not jump down the throats of mothers. Unless of course they are a certain person who enjoys attacking every one that disagrees with her.

Robin said...

Well, Gooollllleee, Amy. Wonder who that might be? (*wink, wink)

Unknown said...

TEEHEE! Me too! BRILLIANT, Robin. Exactly! Spot on! I am so sick and tired of these wide brushes used to paint us all in scarlet.

Anonymous said...

I am an extended family member who has been terribly hurt and abused by a most selfish adoption. The A Mom, had one natural child, and I will not go into the real reason for the adoption of the 2nd child. The child was literally stolen from the birth Mom with lies and the law. The child has been used since before he was born, and is now being used to hurt me, the one they see as grandmother. I am tee totally against adoption in all it's forms unless the paents, both, are deceased. Infertility is no excuse, if God wants you to have a child, you will, if not, there is a good reason. In this particlar case the adoptive mom is now deceased! Do you think maybe God knew shw was not going to be around long enough to raise the second child. Oh, the pain she has caused. God is in control of this planet, and I believe everyone else ought to stop trying to be him. I believe fertility issues are up to him, not some clinic where they are making big bucks. Hormone manipulation to the max, no wonder the adoptive Mom passed from a most agressive and rare form of cervical cancer