Just like those rabid, right-wingers tried to make a dirty word out of the term "liberal," it has become de rigeuer for people to deny their own victimization. The pop psychologists of the past few decades have perverted the meaning of the word to the point that, to most people, "victim"="loser." Again, the meaning gets lost among the manipulations and judgments and spin doctorology. Here is the real and valid meaning of the word, "victim."
Etymology Re; Wicktionary
from the Latin victima, sacrificial animal
Noun
victim (plural victims)
(original sense) A living creature which is slain and offered as human or animal sacrifice, usually in a religious rite; by extension, the transfigurated body and blood of Christ in the Eucharist.
Anyone who is physically harmed by another.
An aggrieved or disadvantaged party in a crime (e.g. swindle.)
A person who suffers any other injury, loss, or damage as a result of a voluntary undertaking.
An unfortunate person who suffers from a disaster or other adverse circumstance.
Narratology. A character who is conquered or manipulated by a villain.
Now, when people say that, "I'm not going to allow myself to be a victim," I think, "Well, isn't that special?" Becoming a victim is not something over which most folks have any control. A woman who is raped is a victim of rape. A person who is mugged is a victim of assault. A mother who is coerced into surrendering her child is a victim of the manipulations of those who want to take her child. An adopted person is a victim of an industry that treats them like a commodity.
What matters is if you SURVIVE your victimization and if you REFUSE TO REMAIN SILENT about your victimization. Every good little beemommie that stays in her insulated closet is still a victim. I was a victim of abandonment by the father of my oldest child. I was a victim of rape by the father of my second child. I was a victim of shoddy medical care when my daughter was born. I was the victim of the adoption industry and society when my children were taken from me. I was a victim of molestation when I was a child. I was a victim of poor parenting by my father. I had no control over any of that, but I, By Goddess, SURVIVED.
I survived to tell everyone that will listen about what happened to me and to my sister mothers and to my children. Those of us who are now senior citizens are even more to be respected for not only surviving, but, many of us, thriving and open and out in the light of truth. I do not think, for a minute, that having been a victim diminished me in any way. I am stronger for have been made to fight my way up from the bottom of the heap. I am kinder to myself for knowing that I didn't deserve what happened to me. Oh, I had sex, you say? Well, what of it??? Not that many people reach their marriage beds intact and that's a fact. I refuse to beat my breast in shame over THAT one.
It is time for us to show the progress we Senior Mothers, we wise women, have made, to the world. We can speak up, speak out loudly, refuse to be relegated to the sidelines and stand firm against the fear-driven aggression of the adoption industry, their customers and those embittered against us by the campaigns of the industry.
Yes, we were victims. The people who died or were injured or left homeless by natural disasters are victims..there is little to no difference. But we are also survivors, learners and listeners. We've learned a lot and heard a lot and seen a lot and, whether this society would like to accept it or not, we are smart enough to know when we've been mightily and detrimentally screwed by a corrupt system and confident enough to know that we ARE the mothers of our children taken for adoption.
Listen for the sound. It will be the voice of former victims and we can be loud.
8 comments:
we had that same discussion in our trauma class. that there is NOTHING derogatory about being a victim because it merely means that a violence act was perpetrated against you. BUT others have given it a derogatory meaning: to mean weak, complaining, or falsely accusing others.
wherever there is violence there is resistance to that violence. victims are NEVER passive and "learned helplessness" is a MYTH created by people in positions of power (mainly men) who see only the male model of resistance (physical, coming to blows) as being valid.
And i know of no mother who has survived disembabyment who did not resist. we ALL resisted even if it amounted to us being numb and dissociating during the experience in order to protect our psychological selves from the trauma, or if we wanted to keep our children as this very emotion was resistance even if there was nothing we could do about it to prevent the act.
Facts:
- violence is unilateral
- wherever there is violence the victim resists.
- the perpetrator will try to suppress the victim's resistance
- the perpetrator will try to hide/deny responsibility
check out the writings of Linda Coates and Allan Wade for a thorough analysis of violence and resistance. it is high pertinent to us as natural mothers.
I posted this question on some other blogs, I hope to get some feedback because it truly bothers me.
I've noticed a disturbing trend among families that are touched by adoption. There seem to be so many cases where an adoptee ends up surrending a baby -I just wonder why this occurs as often as it appears to (at least I see a lot of it on the blogs; would love to know what the "hard" stats show).
Is there some pyschic wound that is transferred from the first surrending mother onto her baby? Is it a perpetuation of victim-status?
This worries me because so many groups are pushing for an increase in infant adoptions and I wonder what will be the long-term negative consequences for society.
Maybe, my daughter was urged, by her adopters, to surrender my grandson to adoption, even though she was married to the father(she was 17). She refused to do so, thank Heavens, and my grandson is a big part of my life. I think that a lot of adopted women are given this kind of wrong-minded cousel by the people who adopted them and, often, they force the issue.
I, too, am very concerned about the long-term effects that this disruption of family at its most basic level will continue to cause. It has already created a flesh trade in infants that is corrupt and treats women like breeders and their babies like commodities.
adopters pressure their adoptees to surrender because the fertility of the daughters threatens them. they want to "sterilize" their daughters to make them more like themselves and forcing the daughters to surrender their babies does this in their eyes. the fertility they were denied is fully in display as something they could never have. they are INTENSELY JEALOUS plus it reminds them that the real mother of that child could get pregnant and they could not! this is the truth of it, above all else. fertility upsets adopters, which is why they don't want their ab/doptees to fragrantly display it!
People who adopt are victoms of your SLANDER.
Slander: a false, malicious statement (spoken or published), especially one which is injurious to a person's reputation; the making of such a statement
Knock yourself out, then, AM. Prove it. I had enough lies told about me to "injure my reputation," by my children's adopters that, I can easily disprove. You show me a lie, here, and prove it. We have a lot of proof for what we're saying.
And it's victIms...not victOms. And, written, I believe, it is called libel and you have to have a biiiig battery of facts to substantiate charges of slander OR libel.
You really are feeling defensive, aren't you? Reel your bottom lip back in and take your self-entitled bad self back to where you can rock on.
OK, everyone. Here is my token negative comment for this post. Another adopter who doesn't want to face the pain of the mother or the future pain of the adoptee or their own issues.Taaa Daaaaa!
Awwww, AM, were you really thinking that I would let you get by with more than one comment on this board,, letting you use it to try to debate your ideas? So deluded....sad. And the term I have used is "self-entitled." Look it up and find another place to try to preach your adoption gospel because I will just continue to reject your comments. Be glad you got one in.
""Slander: a false, malicious statement (spoken or published), especially one which is injurious to a person's reputation; the making of such a statement""
Well, Dear AMama... I truly believe in turn about is fair play. We had our turn, now you get yours. For decades us now Senior Mothers were 'slandered' and not just on a Blog on the internet. Many of us were 'slandered' by the young men who would be our newborns fathers, some of our own families would 'slander' us. We were 'slandered' in magazines and newspapers. We were 'slandered' in maternity homes, by adoption agencies and their 'workers'. We were 'slandered' in hospitals during our labor and deliveries, we were 'slandered' immediately after our babies were born. And we were 'slandered' in courts of law, without our presence required or being availed of legal representation.
SLANDER.... you don't even begin to know the meaning of and the deep tortous feelings of...with no way to fight back whilst young.
So pardon me..if I can't drum up a ton of compassion for you and others like you and what you imagine to be 'slander'. I can offer you the same advice that has been offered to us now Senior Mothers for decades by people in your 'group'... Suck it up and Move On!
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