Craigslist and seeing us moms called "abandoners." For her, it stung because it just isn't the truth. I am so sick of hearing about the "feeling abandoned" from that little group of adopted people that I could barf. I feel 25 and slender but, when I look in the mirror, I see the truth and I accept and embrace it. I didn't abandon my kids and I wear trifocals, false teeth, have wrinkles and wear a size 18. I live with that, just fine, thank you.
I have learned something about seeking vengeance and that is what this hatefulness is all about. It is about striking out at an imagined foe, many times without checking all the facts. It's about wanting to put all dogs down because one dog bit you, or maybe just barked at you. Actively seeking some one's come-uppance can be hazardous. Often, it will turn around and bite you in the ass, while the person against whom you seek revenge is untouched.
This anti-mother, all for the adopted person, MommyMartyr, hit-me-again-please, I'm-gonna-get-you-beeyotches, melange of strife and angst is getting tiresome and I agree with my friend on this one. It's like elevator music. It becomes cloying and annoying and totally ennui-inducing.
I often wonder why I even care. I am reunited with both my surrendered children, 17 years now. I have a good bit of my paperwork from that horrible time. I am past any guilt that was put upon me by others and am over the angst of reunion. Why should I even bother with blogging about this?
It's simple. There is a difference between seeking revenge and fighting for justice. Recognition of the wrongful tragedies of the EMS is justice. Open access to the original birth certificates for adopted adults AND mothers is justice. Standing tall, evidencing self-respect and courage in both mothers and adopted people is the ultimate justice. And what is it that they say about the best revenge being a life well lived?
So, it seems that I care about justice and respect. Not bad values, considering all that life has dealt me. I want the same thing for my sister mothers and our children. Being free from guilt, martyrdom, resentment and vitriol is a good way to be. It makes for a much nicer life. And to our adult children; for everyone of you who had the nmom from Hell, I can show you 10 that had loving, caring nmoms who were persuaded that they were toxic to their children and had to give them up to save them. I know adopters who physically, sexually and emotionally abused the children they adopted. Does that mean that all the people who adopted you are like that? Should the adults who survived this kind of horror say that all who adopt are monsters?
There's so much infighting, self-interest and pure snarkiness going on that the messages, i.e., justice and no more sealed records, gets lost in the noise. This is what adoption has given us and it is the gift that keeps on giving with boxes of rancor and sacks of self-pity. I have rejected that for myself and I don't want it to be the lot of my sister mothers or our children.
We are on the road to our retirement home in the hills by the running stream. We are no longer constrained by bosses, deadlines and the need to keep up with the Joneses, Smiths, MacAlillies or Mortons. I could just lay back, decline internet service, get out my easel and my books and my fishing rod and take it easy. I certainly wouldn't miss the losing of friends over non-issues and the venom of people who don't even know me. I definitely would love to never have to hear the term "abandoner" again. So, why should I give a damn?
I don't know but I do.