Saturday, May 08, 2010

Oh No!! Not Again?! Barfmuggles Day Rears Its Ugly Head

Through the year, I am mostly able to forget about that abomination called "B****mothers's Day." Here, again, are the crumbs thrown to the breeders to try to make them feel special and it grinds my garters to a nub that any mothers of adoption loss would fall for this crap.

I wish I could just sleep all day, today, and not have to come across the inane and sugary and fricking insincere sentiments online. You want to honor the woman that gave birth to you? Do it on HER day..Mother's Day. You won't be taking a thing away from your adopter. After all, she has you and your mother doesn't. And for Goddess' sake, if you are an adopter, DO NOT "thank" this woman for her "precious gift." Gifts are silver picture frames and vases of flowers....NOT babies. Saying "thank you" for a child is like saying we actually wanted to give you our child and that, m'dear, is anything but the truth.

Unfortunately, there are the good, little beemommies among us who buy into this sad satire. They honestly still believe the industry hype and think that they are sooooo special. They also don't see the brainwashing that has been done to this society, starting with the EMS, and really think they have made some kind of well-informed choice. Well, goody for you if you feel that you made the ultimate mother's sacrifice and are a heroine. See how that feels when your child is honoring his/her adopter and his/her chair at your table is empty. Good luck with that heroine thing.

For the majority of us, especially those of us who suffered the overt coercion of the EMS, Barfmuggles Day is a farce, a sham, a shame and an empty sentiment. I'll take my chances and get my kudos tomorrow. I don't want to be "remembered" as a breeder for the more worthy and a vessel for the entitled. I carried both of my taken children in my body, felt them move, held them when they were born, named them and love them, to this day, with a mother's heart, even when they show their butts. That is NOT just a walking uterus. That is a real mother.

I guess the industry and their customers felt they had to do something for us, seeing as how we didn't die or disappear like we were supposed to. Some, I am sure, well-meaning mothers started this observance as a recognition of our motherhood. But the "Triadinists" have taken it and run with it in order to look like they have regard for us. Hell, most of them don't even feel compassion. I have had one woman who adopted tell me that women like me were her worst nightmare. Well, lady, the feeling is mutual. You and the social wreckers and the morality police and the industry are the reasons for many of my abrupt, heart-pounding awakenings.

I have been insulted, ignored and threatened by the adopters of both my adult children. I have had my hand slapped by adoptees, adopters and other pro-adoption mavens for telling my truth without shame. And I'm still here. I didn't do a dramatic "Camille" and expire with grace and secrets intact. I can hear hundreds of adopters and PAPs saying, "Bummer" at that one.

So take your Barfmuggles Day and stick it where it could cause a serious, gastrointestinal blockage. This MOTHER is getting her goodies tomorrow.

(I just HAD to include this with many thanks to Karen D. who quoted "As a great movie line from "The Red Shoes" states: it is much more disheartening to have to steal than to be stolen from, hmmm?")


Anonymous said...

Although you and I have never really seen eye to eye. I have to agree with you on this one. I celebrate with both my "mom"s on MOTHER'S DAY. This "B" mother's day is for the birds.

Mandy Lifeboats said...

Barfmuggles Day...BLECH!!
Stick it where the sun don't shine!!

I don't need no stinkin' Barfmuggles Day...
Mother's Day will most certainly do...Thank you very much!!

Mandy Lifeboats said...

Hey Robin..
I just visited a "Celebrate Birthmother's Day" group on FB. Ya' know what I noticed...many of the members seem to be younger surrendering mothers. And seems those adopters are there as well...wishing "their" birthmothers a very Happy Day!

OK, more savvy, enlightened younger surrendering mothers...step up to the plate and share your enlighenment and savvyness with your younger sister mothers. These poor gals really need an awakening! Maybe they will listen to you...cuz they sure don't like to listen to us Senior Mothers...cuz doncha' know.."it's different today"! MMMMMMM, OK! you just keep drinking that cheap, nasty Kool-Aid.

But seriously...I feel sorry for so many surrendering Mothers, young and old, who have bought into this pile of crap..called "Birthmother's Day" they cheat themselves..truly is a pity.

Somebody should go and throw eggs at the houses of the Seattle Birthmothers..that created this day. No adoption industry nor adopters had to demean them and put them into a lesser category..they did it to themselves. How bad they must have felt about themselves..that they didn't even believe they were worthy of a Hallmark Card invented day.

To all the Lost Mothers..
I so wish you a most Worthy Mother's Day..on SUNDAY, MAY 9, 2010!!

KimKim said...

I don't even notice it. Thankfully where I live (Holland or if you want to be pc The Netherlands - yeah Holland...) they don't do barfmuggles day.

I don't want to have bad energy towards mothers who feel they had to surrender and who say they did it without being coerced. I don't believe that adoption without coercion exists because the very nature of making it noble is coercion in itself.

I do want to send out a lot of love to all the mothers who feel a loss on Mother's Day. It can be a very challenging and triggering day.

Anonymous said...

Birthmother's Day is CRAP served to the women who lost their children to adoption.

It is an industry ploy for the naive new surrenderers who have been convinced that "open adoption" is what is BEST for their child.

If only the mothers of the EMS could mind meld with them and educate them out of their rainbow-induced fog.

Aislin said...

The happy dappy ones don't listen to us either. All we can do is go in, speak our truth and wait for them to crash and burn. And they always crash and burn. Sometimes they remember the name of the bitter mom that scared them so much and I start getting visits on my blog or emails. Once their sunshine and flowers turn to crap they will come looking. Even after all their insults and hate toward us enlightened moms I have always seen them welcomed and supported.

And anyone that even utters the name of that day to me had better be prepared. Let me know if you decide to do some egging. Some cross country adoption billboard painting sounds like a fun venture as well.

Mandy Lifeboats said...


I once had a few private emails with one of the Birthmom Buds, when they first started out. Was in my days, when I talked very nice and very politely and very compassionately. Guess What?? One of those founding Birthmom Buds, called me a WHORE! Can you believe that..MOI! A Whore??!! On YA I had a potential 'birthmother' send me a private email and call me a "C**ks***er"!! Holy Crap..what is this world coming to? On another forum I was met with the a young expectant mother, where PAPs were salivating over the growing contents of her womb. She called me a Bitch!! I was trying to give her some ideas for resources and share my experience with her..and then called Bitch..I gave up talking to these young expectant mothers...MAN! has the adoption propaganda deprogrammed their poor,natural brains. They can't say they weren't warned..many have tried, including myself to no avail. Guess they'll just have to grin and bear it.

Von said...

Only Mothers' Day is good enough for my mother, no-one takes that away,patronises,pretends and fakes it by giving her and all the other relinquishing mothers a fake day.

Robin said...

Thank you for that wonderful sentiment, Von. I just have one wee little correction. I, and most other mothers like me, didn't relinquish...we were forced to surrender. Semantics, I know, but "relinquish" is adoption industry-speak. It's like the "b" word...we hear it so much we use it without thinking. Poe-tay-toe..Poe-tah-toe. Still, it matters.