Monday, November 09, 2009

Sometimes, Life Gets In The Way

My DH and I are planning a Christmas getaway to this lovely cabin (with hot tub and working fireplace) in the mountains of West Virginia. We have placed a deposit, paid the pet fee and reserved a motel for the road trip up there. Then life got in the way.

My hubby has developed a serious condition with his spine...serious enough for his GP to send him to a neurosurgeon after viewing his MRI films. We see the neuro tomorrow AM. Meanwhile, hubby is on two Tylox (oxycodone) every 6 to 8 hours and is still in extreme pain. A chiropractor won't touch him. To say I am worried sick is an understatement. My oldest daughter is also unwell and needing attention.

My friend, Bastardette, has had a lot of health problems, lately, but has managed to keep her blog going. I feel guilty. I visited with another mother of adoption loss this past Friday out at the coast. In addition to reunion quandries, her health is not the best so her focus is diverted. Another friend, Musing Mother, has a hubby and  adult children with ongoing health issues. As we Moms and our adult children age, these problems become more frequent and sap our time and energies.

For all the nay-sayers who think that all we do is gripe about adoption loss, surrender, open records, laws, etc., 24/7, this should remind them that we do have other things going on in our lives. As senior citizens, and I think that at age 64 (me) and 70 (hubby), we qualify, these life issues tend to take center stage. We are doing the best we can, before we die, to get some kind of recognition of the massive crime against single mothers in the EMS (era of mass surrenders) and, hopefully, cause people to look at the way adoption surrender is affected in the here and now. But life is what it is, and arthritis, hypertension, and all the other garbage that comes with getting older seems to take over more and more of our lives.

Also with age comes loss. In this past year, I have lost my mother-in-law, my last remaining uncle and two friends. Another friend has just been diagnosed with end-stage colon cancer. Saying goodbye is hard work and emotionally draining.

We want to speak loudly enough to be heard, even if we are called strident. We want to keep the impetus going and the debate raging (not here on this blog because this is for US, not the other side), we want people to ask us about our Strange and Mournful ribbons, we want people to begin questioning the entire institution/industry that has caused us so much pain.

We want to do all that, but, sometimes, life gets in the way.


Amanda said...

I wanted to tell you how you're blog has affected me for a long time now. My birthmother, to date, has had 9 children, none of whom she's been able to raise. Only 3 were placed for adoption,2 were raised by their fathers, and the last 4 were taken into foster care by the state after her many arrests and substance abuse problems. I am her third child. My birthmother was not and still is not in any shape to raise any child, but perhaps the biggest message I get from your blog is the idea of FAMILY preservation, not simply parent/child, but grandparent/aunt/uncle/child. Your blog has shown me that adoption, even my own that has worked out well for me, is still tainted with the concept that the family was valued so little that none of my 4 grandparents, multiple aunts and uncles, or any other family member offered to help raise me.

That, for me, is the real tragedy of adoption. That entire families, not even just birthmothers, are so affected by this spell that society has over us that indicates family members are simply interchangeable. Behind every mother who places her child for adoption is an entire clan of people who let/encouraged/forced her.

Perhaps this is not the message you've been trying to convey, but it's what I've found within the numerous pages of your blog that REALLY speaks to me. This isn't simply a mother/child affects every member of out society. No one is immune...

Anonymous said...

whats a DH?

Robin said...

In my case, it stands for "Dear Husband."