Sunday, November 27, 2011


Ah, it is that time again. As we approach the end of November and the Strange and Mournful aspect of our observation of this heinous month of adoption idolatry, another adopter/facilitator/good adoptee searches for, and finds, my old post about what anti-adoption really means.

"GB's Mom" is the latest of the irate, pro-adoption souls to lob the "bitter bomb" at me without even knowing me. GB, in answer to your "comment," you go ahead and stay in your world, as you put it, and I am sorry you are so willfully clueless.

Here is said comment and you should be honored that I gave it this much attention: "GB's Mom has left a new comment on your post "What Anti-Adoption Means": I am sorry you are so bitter. You stay in your world, I will stay in mine." Well, Hell. That sounds like a deal!

Sometimes I see, in these frustrated adoption defenders, the 6-year-old, arguing with classmates and holding on to the myth of Santa Clause for dear life. A glimpse of the true pain that comes with this unnatural separation is too much for some to take. They hold on to the Industry mythology like a life ring in a sea of turbulent truth. The only defense they have is to call us "bitter." AND each one that does so thinks that they are the original with that assessment and are so proud of their bon mot. I tend to get the giggles, now, when I see that "bitter" bomb flying through the air only to be a dud when it lands.

It would be right to call us angry. We have a right to that anger. We were screwed by more than the fathers of our babies. We were placed into the maw of a beast...the social service and adoption industry...and left to sink into compliance by coercion. Not a great way to spend a big chunk of your younger years, I might add. And not a single person has stepped up to acknowledge the injustice that was done to us and to our infants. But we are also survivors who love, laugh and live. This battle is a PART of our lives. It is not the sum total of our lives.

GB's (Can I call you GB's?), don't confuse righteous anger and a desire for justice and change with bitterness. Of course, if you follow that advice, you might learn something you don't want to know. Meanwhile, I have a life, with husband, children, doggies, family and friends whom I love and who love me. I guess they like the taste of "bitter." We're riding out to the coast, today. Excuse me while I go enjoy my bitter life. (That's sarcasm, I say, that's sarcasm, kid!) *giggle

I JUST HAD TO ADD THIS ONE: Someone commented;"Anonymous (of course) has left a new comment on your post "INCOMING!!":

@1:30 Anon: I don't know about her older kids, but I don't think she "purchased her babies from a baby broker." The younger child is from a disrupted adoption. The older child has FASD, among other medical issues. Perhaps the mother that chose to drink excessively during pregnancy wasn't fit to parent?

I understand your pain, I really do, but I don't think she is representative of people that buy babies. I don't think she is the face of your anger. If anything, she is doing a service, taking in (dare I say "unwanted?") children with special needs. I am sure you two can find much to disagree about, but I don't think she should be the object of your scorn for parenting these children.

To which I must say; That's all well and good. But GB'sMom CAME HERE FIRST, with the 'bitter bomb' insult. She got what she deserved. It seems that it is OK for adopters to make any nasty judgment of mothers and those of us who really "felt the pain," but nothing should be said in return? I think not, Anonymous. And, what effort was really made to help any of the families of said children? Do you know anything beyond what she and the social workers have said? If you don't think she should receive any criticism, then you might want to advise her against making such comment about people she doesn't know. RKW

Lisi...I didn't troll GBM's blog. Anyone can reference any open URL on the 'net. As far as I am concerned, this didn't start with me but it ends HERE. On to other things. RKW


Lori said...

ROFLMAO! I think there is a point at which every mother finally gets that. I know I did and so, with great delight - and not a few giggles - I tip my hat and hand to you!

Unknown said...

You know, I just returned from the coast and feel centered, calm, content. However, even in my current mellow state I can still see the wrong in the BSE/EMS. One doesn't require a degree in jurisprudence to know right from wrong, just from unjust. One merely needs an ability to see outside one's comfort zone, a quality so lacking in many adoptive parents that one must conclude the lack is willfull rather than natural.

Your post is spot on, Robin. Her blindness and desire to "stay in her world" while insisting you remain in yours is particularly ironic....SINCE SHE CAME TO YOUR BLOG TO INSULT YOU! You WERE in your world. She visited it and what she read read made her uncomfortable. Good! That means your post was effective. She can deny it, but she can't unread it. I bet she also can't forget it, try as she will!

Anonymous said...

That's right, lady (GB's ADOPTER mom), stay in your world full of fantasy, delusions that the child you are coveting is actually 'yours', self-entitlement and self- righteousness.

We, in turn, will stay in ours~that of reality. Bitter? Hardly. Angry? As hell. With good reason. You aren't at all 'bitter' that you could not become pregnant and had to resort to purchasing an infant from a baby broker, now are you?Sure you are. That is why you and so many adopters like to stalk first mother blogs and ATTEMPT to "put us in our place". You don't like it one bit that it is actually you that is being put in your place...

We know the truth and so do many of our children. Hard for you to face that fact, we know.

Anonymous said...

What is wrong about being bitter? I am bitter that I had to lose my identity, you bet. Bitter, bitter, bitter. I am a bitter old bitch. Yay me.

I mean the outrageous entitlement about it all, so we are going to do this horrible thing to you for our gain and then you are to be happy and smiling while we degrade you? While we create a loss in your life that outside of adoptoland is considered the worst loss of all? Because you are non-human to us and meant to serve the adopter-class?

Yay, I am fucking bitter. Oh wish me peace do you? I wish you had a heart.


Robin said...

Joy, why don't you tell us what you Really think? Sorry for the bad joke but you brought telling someone off to a new height. Kudos!

Anonymous said...

Sweet lil ole me? Couldn't be, lol I am going to take that as a compliment Robin.


Robin said...

That is exactly how it was intended, Joy. ;o)