Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Bottlenecks R Them

(* quote below stolen from Bastardette's blog page*)
"Worse than thieves, murderers, or cannibals, those who offer compromise slow you and sap your vitality while pretending to be your friends. Compromisers are the enemy of all humanity, the enemies of life itself. Compromisers are the enemies of everything important, sacred and true."

~ L. Neil Smith

I am so often reminded, when I watch established "adoption reformers" doing their thing, of Albert Camus' 'Myth of Sisyphus.' Poor Sisyphus was doomed to spend eternity rolling a huge boulder to the top of a high hill, only to have it roll back down to the bottom where he would have to start back up again, ad infinitum.

In adoption reform, wheels are getting spun and the wrong questions are being asked. Rather than scrapping the entire system and starting over with something friendlier to children and families, the various organizations ask, "What cosmetic changes can we make to mollify the adult adoptees and mothers and keep adoption a going concern?"

With the child-trafficking debacle after the Haitian disaster making news every day, the industry and those that sleep with the enemy are rushing forward with paint and drapes to try to disguise the ugly. PAPs (prospective adoptive "parents") are holding their breath and cheering on those that would protect their interests, even if it means conning the poor out of their children.

What we have, people, is a wreck that has backed up any forward motion in reform  for miles. The only good thing that has come from this mess is the fact that more regular people are watching and asking questions. A non-adoption affected friend of mine asked, "Why are these people expecting us, the Haitians and everyone else to believe that these kids are better off with white, American families and that these children would not miss their own culture?" Good question,  Kathy. When I explained the idea of a young child as a "blank slate," she snorted.

One of the biggest problems we face is the fact that so many among us think that we can get somewhere by involving the industry and adopters in our struggle. That is where the compromises start...that is where good ideas get watered down to mere gestures...that is when the boulder starts rolling back down the hill and any idea of progress made is an illusion. It should be obvious that real reform is not in the interests of adopters or facilitators and, thus, we are bottlenecked and held back before we can even start moving.

Potential adopters are still being fed the idea that adopting is a saintly thing to do, that they are more deserving than the woman who bears the child, and that they can create a better world by impressing their values and theology on young children who can't even speak English. Even though it is a bit of a fairy tale, we have learned that people believe what they want to believe and the truth be damned.

If we want to make progress, we need to take the wheel of the vehicle of change away from those whose interests lie in keeping the adoption business a brisk one.


anonadoptee said...

This is a great post. Thankyou. I've been thinking about this sort of thing a lot recently. About the fact that i dont want adoption to be reformed. I want it abolished. About the fact that fundamentaly adopters and I are not on the same side.

Sandy Young said...