Wikipedia, it means, "...an expression used to describe a needlesly self-destructive over-reaction to a problem. 'Don't cut off your nose to spite your face' is a warning against acting out of pique, or against pursuing revenge in a way that would damage onself more than the source of one's anger."
Now while many adult adopted people would not admit to harboring vengeful anger against mothers, some of the recently proposed and some passed legislation concerning open records makes some of us feel otherwise.
Just take a look at what the MO. bill would require of mothers.
(Thanks to my friend, Musing Mother.) This would be a form that mothers would have to fill out, completely, which would include but not be limited to;
1. Congenital or genetic history.
2.Psycosocial history. (WHAT!!!!! THAT is nobody's business but our own!)
3. Chronic diseases.
4. Infectuous diseases (Why...these are not inherited?)
6. Pregnancy and birth histories
7. Causes of deaths of (natural) family members that may affect the medical history.
This opens the door to a world of woes for the mother. Being legally required to furnish this information, even on those family members that have not given their permission for this, would leave us vulnerable to lawsuits, imprisonment...you name it. So, I guess my main question is why the people who are pushing for open records in the different states want to gain their civil rights by violating ours? Do you resent us so much? Do you honestly feel so entitled that our rights as human beings to share only what we see fit about our private lives can be disregarded?
I have signed many a document stating that I did not ask for, nor was I ever promised anonymity, especially
where my children were concerned. I have always felt that my children had the right to know who I am. But I never signed on to be invaded and disregarded. Many mothers in the US are still fighting for respect and acknowledgement of the fact that we were used as breeding stock for the social engineers. It's bad enough that those who seek open records assume that they are entitled to a pound of our flesh, but we are not even considered as worthy of being equal recipients of those opened records. What is going to happen is that those in opposition of these bills will have some new ammo in the form of those of us who reserve the right to share only what we see fit about our lives, our histories and our ailments. Better no open records law than one that would put such an unfair onus on the shoulders of the mothers. We are people, damnit!
I am tired of the stereotype of the crackwhore, promiscuous, careless slut who just wanted to get rid of the "problem." I am tired of hearing "relinquisher" and "abandoner." Those descriptions are not, by any means, an accurate picture of the average mother of adoption loss. Most of us wanted our babies. Most of us were in committed (at least on our part) relationships. Most of us were dependent on our families and constrained by their actions in our "behalf." Most of us were shamed, blamed, isolated and had to work for years to gain back a modicum of self-esteem.
If I was a non-reunited mother of adoption loss and I read these proposed laws and some of the venom that our adult children post, online, it would scare the reunion right out of me. I don't let my raised children place that kind of crap on me. I will not allow it from my reunited children, either. Fortunately, I have gained their respect and I don't see that happening. But I worry for my sister mothers. We are women with hearts that were broken. We bleed red and cry tears just like anyone else. We deserve the same protection under the law and the same respect for our rights as anyone else.
Now, I will agree that the basic civil rights of the adopted person are violated by denying them access to their basic, identifying information. But non-adopted people don't have the right to require, by law, such intimate information from their mothers. Why should the adopted have more rights than the non-adopted? Where did such a sense of entitlement originate? If our adult children want all of us in the fight for their records, then maybe they should consider our feelings, as well.
By all means, demand your original birth certificate. Contact your mothers. Learn about your heritage. Most will be glad to share with you. And then ASK, respectfully and privately, for the history you seek.
Attempting to make us legally liable for this kind of thing is just pissing off any of us who has any self-esteem, at all.