Thursday, July 15, 2010

GSA In The USA, Today

This is a sad story that happens more often than people know. Usually, the people involved are not minors. It's called Genetic Sexual Attraction, it is powerful and it hurts more people than just the two participating parties


PTI, Jul 14, 2010, 01.20pm IST

NEW YORK: A mother from Michigan who pleaded guilty to having sex with her 14-year-old biological son, who she gave up for adoption when he was an infant was sentenced to a prison term of nine to 30 years.
Aimee L Sword, 36, apologised for her actions at her sentencing on Monday in Oakland County Circuit Court, the Detroit Free Press has reported.

Sword, who traced her son now 16 through the Facebook, received yearly updates and pictures from the boy's adoptive family in Grand Rapids, according to her attorney Mitchell Ribitwer...........
I posted on a site, for a while, that tried to address GSA and support those who were wrestling with it. I came away so saddened and discouraged. Even though hundreds of natural mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, sisters and brothers were having sex with each other, the majority of them tried to justify it by saying that they weren't legally related, so it couldn't be called incest. Pardon?  Here is the definition of the word, incest;
1. sexual intercourse between closely related persons.
2. the crime of sexual intercourse, cohabitation, or marriage between persons within the degrees of consanguinity or affinity wherein marriage is legally forbidden.
And to define consanguinity;
1. relationship by descent from a common ancestor; kinship ( distinguished from affinity).
2. close relationship or connection.
So, in the strictest sense of the word and the law and the taboo, incest only occurs when someone has sex with a close, BLOOD relative. Therefore, someone related by adoption could, and probably this has happened, have sex with an adoptive relative and it would not be incest. Now, what the law can do with that is interesting because they are part of the system that makes paper relatives. This woman was jailed for sexual abuse of a minor...not incest. Once again, mythology prevails over common sense.
Incest is the oldest taboo in recorded history and across all cultural and national boundaries. While in certain cultures it was used in the ruling families who mistakenly thought it would "keep the bloodlines pure," notably the ancient Egyptians and some Polynesian Islanders, for the rank and file it has always be forbidden. The ruling classes that did try to keep those pure bloodlines paid for it in dead infants, deformities and madness. 
Genetic Sexual Attraction is powerful, intense  and it takes an adult with an ability to use their best common sense to overcome it. One of the best books written about the subject is ""I'M HIS MOTHER, but, HE'S NOT MY SON" by Barbara Gonyo. She knows, first hand, how hard the struggle to overcome this powerful force is. 
Adoption reunion is a reuniting of physical adults. They have all the needs of adults and the emotional needs of the family connection. Mothers have told of feeling the need to put their adult child to the breast and these feelings can translate into the only way we know to get anything close to that mother/infant intimacy and that is with sex. With sibling GSA, there is not the familiarity taboo. There is someone who mirrors you in many ways but with whom you did not share everyday life, teasing, fights, hand-me-downs and all the other things that most siblings share. Again, the strong attraction is processed within the reunited ones according to their adult physiology and needs.
I do not assign gender to the participants in GSA relationships. They can be heterosexual or homosexual. Some have even gone where no one knows them and actually married. Those who actually act on GSA leave  loved ones in their wake who are devastated, bereaved and unable to relate their pain to anyone. That is why I will always say that acting on GSA is self-serving and irresponsible. 
But I will also say that the urges and feelings are not wrong..just misinterpreted. No one should be ashamed of the feelings and they can be overcome and redirected into a healthier way to view the object of your affection. To anyone struggling with GSA, you are not alone and you are not crazy. You are another victim of the adoption mess, but you can deal with it in a constructive way if you want to. It's not always easy to put our personal desires aside for the good of all the other people in our lives, but it can be done.
With GSA, it must be done. Our families depend on us using our heads as well as our hearts. Our hormones are not a consideration. This woman in the story above is an adult and a mother. It was her responsibility to keep things on the right track. Now she is paying the price.
I think that, in searching, GSA should be one of the things about which the searcher is cautioned. The problem is that most people are very uncomfortable talking about it. It gives a lot of us that "icky" feeling and embarrasses us that we even know about it. It's hard to get past our puritanical backgrounds and in this case, millennia of taboos, to even address it. But address it we must. I  have seen families destroyed by this.
Hasn't adoption destroyed enough families already?


Sandy Young said...

This is s subject that MUST be discussed, and requires and demands attention. The feelings are normal, the acting on them is not. Shame MUST be removed from these discussions. Mothers have had enough shame. Secrets are toxic, and shameful secrets breed more shameful secrets. Nothing good comes from secrecy....

Linda said...

I agree with Sandy. This must be addressed. Its not only happening with Mothers and sons, it happens to Fathers and daughters, and siblings, too.

Too often, the need for intimacy from both parties is so very intense, boundaries are crossed, and the consequences are tragic.

Its another unspoken and unnatural consequence of separating families.

I don't consider this to be a sexual crime, either...unless we are talking a father with very young daughter. It is simply deep emotions gone wrong.

I find it so ironic that I cannot legally marry or have sex with my adoptive brother, who is NOT genetically related to me, but I could marry or have sex with my biological brother, simply because through adoption, I am no longer legally related to him. Not that I want to, lol, but I am just saying how ridiculous adoption is. (as you know)

This topic is definitely something that needs to be talked about, especially when going into reunion.

Von said...

Very pleased to see this deeply painful part of adoption being brought into the light and discussed without judgement and with sense.It's part of the cruelty and absurdity of adoption. It's time.