Sunday, July 11, 2010
What They Don't Know Will Hurt Us
The populace at large is hardened to the thought that surrender and separation just might be a tragic mistake and that people are making money or fulfilling their own agendas by facilitating that separation. They just think we have lost our freaking minds.
I was recently reminded of the enormity of the task of educating the citizens of our nation about the realities of a mother's loss. If we talk about the BSE, then we get the response, "well aren't you glad things aren't like that, anymore?" We also get that innocently obtuse query, "You are reunited now and that makes it all OK, doesn't it?" Most will scratch their heads in bewilderment when we tell them that, "No, it is not all OK."
My friend, Musing Mother, had a comment on Facebook made to her by someone wanting to be supportive of her but understanding nothing of what we were all about. She got a couple of nasty replies and I am sorry to say that I was one of the authors. I deleted and explained myself. The young woman didn't deserve what she got.
Now I am sure that those more practical and experienced than me will tell me that I am dreaming, but I honestly feel we need to expand our message to the general public. That is not an original thought, on my part. Karen W. B. Buterbaugh, founder of BSERI and the new Exiled Mother website mentioned this and that got me to thinking. What we do online, with blogs that are linked to by Googling "adoption" and in online forums is either debate with the ones who have a vested interest in keeping the myth alive or preach to the choir. John Q. and Suzie Q. Public are going about their lives, largely unaware of the tempest raging in a confined arena.
We also have to contend with a biased, pro-adoption media. They'll cover the dramatic and tear-jerking reunions, but leave it at that and call it "happily ever after." We tend to get dismissed as a lunatic fringe (and the fact that there are a few of those among us doesn't help). I think we EMS moms need to get our noggins together and come up with something dramatic that might reach the eye of an enterprising reporter or writer. A lot of educating was done with Ann Fessler's "The Girls Who Went Away." It was a best-seller so there might be some out there who at least have an idea of what we are trying to say. It is a good starting point.
I still have to hearken back to the days of the Women's Suffrage Movement. In the movement in America, one lady is reported to have chained herself to the White House gate and went to jail for her efforts. We need to know, as well, that even in that historical event, not all those fighting for the vote were on the same page. There were factions and wranglings just like there are in our issues. But we eventually got the vote. We have already had a member of our community jailed for her action on behalf of those searching. We lost another, younger mother to suicide when the adopters slammed the adoption shut in her face and she discovered how she had been used by the machinations of the adoptress (and HER, I will call by that title) who wrote a how-to book about it, for Pete's sake!
I fear more losses of this kind if the story of how it all began is not put out there for everyone to know and understand. What happened to us is the story of a smug, vile, greedy industry in its infancy. Maybe now, while everyone is pissed at BP, would be a good time to point out the money-making-for-a-big-business aspect of our losses. It would take courage and focus and planning but maybe we could widen the crack made by Ann's book and let in more light.
These are just random thoughts. We are not all on the same page about the BSE/EMS and it might be that a few have to make a big splash. But, Hell. It's been done before. Chains, anyone?