Friday, October 01, 2010
The Courage Of One's Convictions
But, I digress. I hate just about everything the likes of Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh or their ilk have to say, but at least they say it in an overt manner and take the flak for what they say. While I despise their message, I defend their right to deliver it.
But don't you just hate the people who criticize and judge, safely ensconced in their little "Anonymous" cyber-world? Take this message received on my comments late last night: "Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I Plead 'Not Guilty'": So, basically, you take no responsibility for your actions or for your decisions. It's all everyone else's fault and everyone else's responsibility. Interesting..."
Frankly, Anon, I don't give a tinker's damn what you find interesting or how you choose to twist the message. I know what I did and did not do. I know what I did and did not choose and you weren't there, were you? I find it so amusing when people who are totally unfamiliar with the social mores and demands of that era, who were not in our shoes and have no experience to compare, try to judge us by their own limited understanding. Some body's all mad at mommy and is doing a little generalizing.
I've been through some rough times and I have learned the value of humility, of being able to admit when I have erred or when I have wronged someone. I have also learned the value of standing behind what I know to be true. So, if I am wrong, I apologize. If I know I am not wrong, if I know what I'm talking about, then I kiss no adoptee, adopter or any other ass, especially that of someone without even the courage to identify themselves.
When I was in the sixth grade, I had a teacher, recently widowed and mentally ill, who really shouldn't have ever been allowed in a class room. I lost my writing workbook and I told her that I had lost it. She gave me a cruel, verbal reaming out, which I took because I felt I had been careless, and followed her instructions and went to the principal and asked her to get me another book. She told me that they were out of those particular workbooks, but that she would let me know as soon as they got in. I told my teacher and she let it go for that day. Two days later, I still didn't have the workbook and she shouted at me in class and sent me back down to the Principal's office to, again, request the book. I got the same answer and an apology from the principal and I went back to tell Ms. J. She took me out into the hall, accused me of being a liar and when I denied it, she slapped me so hard my ears rang and harangued me until I told her she was right, I was lying, just to stop her because I was terrified. I swore, when that happened to me, that I would NEVER again take the blame for what I did not do or be called a liar when I wasn't lying.
Ms. J is dead, now...and I doubt many mourned her. She didn't finish out that school year because of complaints from parents. So, Anon, Old Sock, you will also be in the ground as will I, one day. And the words I have published and stand behind will remain because the written word never really goes away. Your cryptic and pointed comment will always look like what it is..the accusations of someone without the ovaries or testicles to own what they say.
Once again...I was forced, coerced and had it demanded of me, a teenager with no support, to surrender. Maybe there are those who did make a "decision" and feel they were right in apologizing. That's fine because I didn't walk in their shoes. AND they didn't walk in mine. I took enough of the shame and blame for years until I realized what had really happened. And no anonymous, mother-hating, pseudo-superior anyone, including other mothers and adopters, is going to tell me I am wrong about what happened to ME.
Now, if a "Ms. J Type" tries to take me out in the hall and slap me for telling the truth, I am going to slap back, harder and make sure that the truth is heard. I am no longer 11 or 16 and helpless. I don't whine, I fight.