Perhaps I can see less denigration of natural families and a slow down in the beatification of adopters. One can only hope. I realize that the best I can look for is an ebbing of the tide. We are far, far from the point where we can sing, "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead."
Of course, as an adopted friend of mine noted, with December comes THE family holiday and the time when the absence of that someone-who-ought-to-be-here is keenly felt. Ya just can't win.
I have often preached on this blog about the fact that Natural Mothers cannot fix their surrendered, adult children and they can't fix us. In the long run, we are the only ones who can fix ourselves. If, after reunion, we still feel empty and blown about by every gale, then we need to turn inward for the answers. It's funny how "The Wizard of Oz" so reminds me of the adoption struggle. I have to note that Dorothy is an orphan, but is lovingly raised by her Auntie Em and Uncle and does NOT call them Mom and Dad. All of the protagonists in the story feel something is missing inside them and for Dorothy, the missing piece is the most poignant. She misses her home and kin.
Would that there were a good witch, Glinda, who could point us down the yellow brick road to self-realization. My biggest life revelation was discovering that I had, inside me, what I had most longed for...the ability to mature, find peace and be happy. Brain, heart, courage and home...they were all inside me all the time. Maybe it takes a tornado, a wicked harpy, some flying monkeys and a dissembling wizard to point the fact out to those that of us that are more stubborn than others. Well, that is a lot like reunion which can be a total cataclysm.
We do a lot of floundering about, I have noticed, while searching for the answers to why, and how and who. Too often we DO look to the reunion as the end when it is only the first step. The rest is up to us. I watch one very beloved person in my life trying to control every situation that even obliquely concerns her and becoming sick and frustrated with the attempts. The only control we have over anything is self-control. That helps us get through the storms created by others in our lives. My yellow brick road took me to Al-anon where I learned that lesson. So I leave "fixing" up to the powers of the cosmos and just see to my own issues.
We who have been torched...er, uh,..touched by adoption learn to gird our loins as we approach the Holidays. As if that were not enough the NCFA throws that Nasty November at us. Well, they can do their worst. We are finding, within ourselves, what we need to get through. C'mon, put 'em up!! Put 'em up!!!
And November? Eat our dust. We're off the see the Wizard.
Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
You think the wizard would help us all find our way home? I don't believe in it anymore.
Our Wizard is inside each of us, Lori. Or at least, that is how I see it.
Wise words Robin you really hit the nail on the head. We can't fix the damage done to our grown adults as much as we all want to do . Thankfully, my son survived and I too
the damage to both of us will always be there BECAUSE of adoption. I live day by day and almost got through Thanksgiving but when taking my son dinner because he had to work and while his daughter was there we got the happy foster storing triggered me and I decided NOT to put myself through that fake, faux fantasy of "making" a family.
Gearing up for Home for Holidays another gross adoption fiasco created and attended by Hollywood adopters there
are so many of those in pretend land they fit right in with action pretending to be something they are not. What they are are actors with accessories look at me look at me aren't I wonderful seeking publicity. Angelina and Brad the. Two biggest abusers of using the kids they adopted for this
This is a really well written post Robin. I like it very much. I'm not there yet myself but I'm working on it. Great, great post.
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