I think I am still on a bit of a tear about being judged, along with my sister mothers, of having had inadequate "healing." I assume that the person who made this judgment thinks that we would not be seeking justice and redress if we were "properly healed." As a friend of mine from the UK would say, "Bollocks!"
Rather than looking at the one dimension of the Internet exchanges, perhaps that person who would underestimate our emotional health and mental acuity should see us as we are in every way. We are in the Autumn of our lives, for the most part. The leaves still cling to the branches and are afire with color. We are strong, fearless and finally able to say and do what we feel is right rather than worrying about what others might think. It's a good time to be alive.
If anything, our shared experience of shame, blame, isolation and grief should have imparted a special measure of wisdom to each of us. For many of us, we have learned the value of being humble enough to realize that, even after all we have experienced, we still don't know everything. There is wisdom just in that realization. We are learning more, every day that passes. Perhaps the lesson of humility is wasted on any self-proclaimed and self-promoting "expert." Being able to apologize or admit to a wrong is mature and wise and the right kind of "humble."
SMAAC is entering the fray with all the fire of maple leaves in October. We might not have framed certificates on all our walls or letters after all our names, but we have the accumulated wisdom of many women and the gathered passion of our cause and determination. It would be a grave error to count us as ineffective or "less healed than thou."
I come from the early years of the EMS and I have shared the past week with someone who comes from the end of that era. We are 15 years apart in age but very close in our personae. Coming from different cultures, we have shared much of what makes up our everyday lives. We have laughed at our similarities and our differences. But we have one thing in common and that is the desire to be heard and to be acknowledged. There is also the desire to hear the words, "We are sorry for what we did to you," said out loud and in public. I see nothing inherently, emotionally unhealthy in any of that. Someone needs to take a "time out" and reconsider their attitude.
We'd hate to do battle with former allies, but we will and will not hesitate for an instant. Got that?
5 comments:
It sounds like this person thinks healing and justice are mutually exclusive.
Justice is a fundamental right for anyone who has been wronged. It is neither dependent on, nor inferior to, the concept of "healing."
I'm curious about this mystery peron's views on healing versus justice.
Me too, Maybe.
Maybe Robin can posts some of the stuff she is talking about in part.
I am so sick of others dictating how, we should have healed.
A recent experience of someone dictating to me how I should be "happy"
Justice equals healing in my opinion.
Guess I haven't healed sufficiently in their young opinion.
Ladies, I can't say too much without ratting out another mother who told me about this. Suffice it to say, it was someone who thinks they have the only route to healing.
Welladay Robin, can I say I agree with you about all of this? I may not be an EMS mom, but some of the same things have been said about me, as if any other person can judge my healing! I know and you know, there is more than one way to skin a cat, just as there are many different ways a person can heal. Not every person heals the exact same way, at the exact same pace, by the exact same method! Living proof right here.. *sigh* Don't you wish there were more of us who thought the way we do?
Mary
I just wish that the "it's my way or the highway" mindset could disappear from so many areas. No one should have to walk in lock-step to the tune of any self-proclaimed "expert."
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