Albert Einstein made an observation that has been, since, quoted a lot in the 12-step programs. He defined insanity in this manner. “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
This is one of my favorite quotes and one that I have used to remind myself of how useless old, destructive thoughts and behaviors can be and how little control I have over the actions of others. I am now watching some major organizations losing their credibility, memberships and effectiveness by doing the same thing, over and over again. Organizations that began as activist and support groups for mothers of loss have diluted themselves by weakening their messages and involving adopters and adoptees.
Adopters are in the cat-bird seat, socially and really don't need much in the way of input from those of us who don't particularly like what they did. Adoptees have BN and their own efforts for their own causes. So why take a perfectly good organizational premise, devoted to the natural mothers of adoption loss, and dilute it into just another "Triad" (*there is no such thing) group?
We wonder why so many of the millions of mothers of the Era of Mass Surrender are still in the closet. I can see them being easily confused since there is no one taking the stance that the shame that keeps them silent is bogus! It takes a while to get out of that morass of shame and blame and having self-entitled adopters who say they are for "reform" and angry adoptees bombarding them with their issues is not going to help that mother emerge from her cocoon of secrecy.
There are millions of adopted people out there, but I am mother to only two of them. The rest of them are not my responsibility, so this business of "always putting the adoptee's needs first" is guilt speaking and we don't need that guilt nor do we deserve it. We were coerced and we were also victims and were hurt just as much as the adopted person. We make our own way through our own reunions and reunion is not activism. With reunion, you need a support group. With activism, you need an activism group.
I would advise mothers, especially from our generation, who are new to this to find a MOTHERS ONLY support group, and, when they are ready, really look at at the activism groups and see what kind of membership they have. Only Senior mothers are going to work for the issues of Senior mothers and any other groups that tries to be all things to all people is going to, basically, kick us and our issues to the curb.
Hey, that scarlet letter is unearned. You don't have to hide, you don't have to feel shame and you don't have to carry that burden alone. You'd be amazed how liberating it is to throw off the chains that were put there by our parents and social workers, nuns, etc. We are not the perpetrators, here. The industry and the demand that runs that industry are the ones at fault. Reproductive autonomy and freedom for women should have always included the right to birth control, sex education, safe, legal terminations and the right to raise one's own child regardless of marital status, age or financial status. You have nothing of which to be ashamed. But the powers that were and that industry and those that punished us so severely for our non-crime do have a hell of a lot to answer and address.
That's what we are about. If you need to know more, contact us. We are here to help you find your way into the open air. It's nice out here.
Come out and be with friends.