Friday, September 26, 2008

We All Grow And Learn (If We're Lucky)

School Days

It is really funny that I have seen an aspect of the former me that I didn't like very much. When I became involved in activism, I was all over the support groups like the Union troops on Atlanta. It didn't occur to me, with my tunnel vision going full blast, that there were mothers in need of support and not ready to take up the sword of activism. I learned, soon enough, and take care, now, not to cross over that line. It takes a lot of healing...years in many cases...for some moms to get to the activist stage, if at all, and that has to be OK.

Each mother heals at her own rate and IN HER OWN WAY, (I can't reiterate that enough) and if and when she gets to the stage of wanting to be involved in activism, then she can pick and choose for herself. Why is there always someone who thinks they are exempt from the rules of common courtesy? I would advise the activists among us to stay away from the private email lists on support groups with your spiels and self-promotions. There is a better time and a better way to make oneself known that to spam some one's inbox with your views and pet causes.

The Mothers of Adoption Loss are a varied and unique group. We are every woman. We have different politics, religions, social name it. What we can do for each other in support groups and friendly retreats is walk our common ground together. We can hold hands, know understanding, and move ahead. What we CAN NOT do is determine, for each other, the path to take. Activism is more effective when the activist is truly ready to act.

As we ARE every woman, some of us, then, are not too nice and have some, shall we say, personality problems? That's all well and good, though, because the majority of mothers have the sense to know a mixer when they meet one. Those that don't, get the picture soon enough.

Although it may sound like I am making war on one person, it is not so much that as it is making war on an egocentric, arrogant attitude. That attitude can drive a skittish mom right back into the closet. I think it helps us to hold out a hand in support well before we offer a place in the battle corps.
I also want to wish the Heart to Heart Retreat in Denver this October all the luck in the world.

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