Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Healing Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

It annoys me when someone assumes that all we are about is what is read on message boards and blogs, even this one. It annoys me even more, when someone assumes that we are bitter, angry, dangerous to other mothers and in need of "healing work." That is an arrogant and insulting accusation. And to deny a mother the company of other mothers who can give her support on her healing journey just because that support group has found their healing in other ways but the way of the denier is somewhat egocentric and a bit off-kilter, emotionally.

There are numerous experts in every aspect of life, it seems. There is always someone who knows exactly what YOU need to heal. As a mother of adoption loss, I have used IN PERSON counseling, the 12-step program and, most of all, the support provided by groups for mothers like me. We mirror each other in these groups and are honest with each other. You'd be surprised how many of us have attained a healthy, balanced life without any help from the "experts" who proclaim that it must be done their way or no way. I follow the 12-step premise when reading any books or hearing any advice to "take what I need and leave the rest."

The Internet is, at best, a tenuous arena for real psychological counseling. I'll get my support and information on line, but I will have any intense counseling in person, thank you. But it is a great place for the coming together of people with shared experiences. Let me tell you that among "those women who haven't done their healing work," a mother of adoption loss can find a lot of understanding. We all share what has worked for us to keep our lives in balance and many, many women have been helped by these groups and the one I belong to, in particular. First Mothers Connect which is for mothers who lost to adoption during the EMS/BSE is a gold mine of friendship and support.

There are factions and friction among many who are involved in the battleground that is adoption loss. People are individuals so that may be the way it is for a long time. But to summarily dismiss groups such as FMC as having no value because they have not walked in the path of the "expert," is something that calls for an apology. We all have our "off days," so I am hoping this was one of those days for the person who maligned us and our group.

I am ever so proud to be one of "those women." We rock!


Sandy Young said...


On behalf of all of our sisters and as the owner/moderator of FMC, I thank you. I too have found great healing and understanding in there. As a full and rounded woman, with a rich life outside of adoption and my online self, the community of women who have walked in my shoes offer the best kind of strength and comfort, a Mother's. I am honored to walk among women who are so brave, strong, caring and sharing.

Anonymous said...

Amen Robin, it truly irks me that so many seem to know what is best for us when it comes to our healing! You are both wise and wonderful women ..

aka Meggles
aka Murry Duck