Sunday, March 07, 2010
An Uncommon Sadness
My quest has led me to learn of things that have added a new layer of sadness to the greatest tragedy of my life. As disenfranchised girls with the naivete of the times, we were deprived of the most basic of human rights. Now, when we are older and wiser, our efforts are being sabotaged by our own sister mothers.
Some still carry a burden of unearned guilt which they seem unable to overcome. These are the ones who make themselves body slaves to the issues of the adopted adult. They are content to sacrifice themselves and, unfortunately, the rest of us, via poorly-conceived, proposed legislations in order to expiate their insecurities.
I call these mothers "the Ladybirds." They flitter around trying to sow wildflower seeds in a sewer figuring that it will mask the stench. They decry what they perceive as our anger and bitterness and even go so far as to accuse us of staying in our "victimhood." What they don't realize is that they are victims of their own lack of self-respect and are trying to pull us into the same dark hole with them. My personal belief is that many of these Ladybirds need to grow a set.
Then there are the adoption Divas. These are the mothers who want to be the experts, the go-to persons for anything and everything associated with adoption. They leave the conditions of surrender behind and concentrate on the end results. They bully, wrangle and endlessly dispense what they think is wisdom from their busy keyboards. When questioned or crossed, they get really nasty, pick up their toys, and move to the next group to recruit disciples. The Diva may actually have a lot of savvy and worthwhile things to offer, but these are lost in the maze of her self-promotion. I learned, to my sorrow, that there are more than one of the Diva-types out there.
So we, who want to see justice and equality for the mothers of the EMS are having stumbling blocks placed at every pathway by our own sisters. These women cannot lend support to anything that will either truly alleviate their guilt or take away any portion of the spotlight they wish to be focused only on them. It is disheartening and frustrating to want something positive for all of us only to have our own sister mothers wishing us ill.
I am better at following than at leading..at emotional issues rather than data and numbers. I am independent in my thinking...no I do NOT walk in lock-step with anyone but myself. But that and $5 will get me a mocha latte grande. It seems there are no compromises left.
At 64, I realize that my time is limited. While I may live to be 100 (or not), it is a fact that more than half my life is over and each day, month and year from here on out is a gift. Our quest for justice has an expiration date. Time is our antagonist along with the industry, unknowingly aided by the Ladybirds and the Divas. I was looking forward to a retirement full of peace with no regrets. But, if there is no justice for the mothers of the EMS, then that regret will go to the grave with me.
And, for that, I feel an uncommon saddness.