God knows there has been enough controversy on this subject, what to call the mother of children lost to adoption, to fill a few blogs. It can cause such rage in those who cling to the "status quo" when they come up against someone like me who refuses to be a "good birfmudder."
I want to say to them, "Honey, you can call YOURSELF whatever you like, but I am a MOTHER, not a disposable incubator or a walking uterus." To me, that is what the title means and how it feels. Contrary to some specious and unresearched claims, this word was first used by author and adopter, Pearl S. Buck. It was used to "differentiate" between the adopter and the mother of the adopted child.
The title of this blog is "Motherhood Deleted" and that is, essentially, what the legal lies of adoption and the relegation of the mother of loss to the realm of a birth-thing have attempted to do to us. However, we have learned, through our grief and our awakenings, that you can put any appellation or expectation you want out there, but Ma Nature, God/dess, The Cosmos, whatever you believe is in charge of life, made us mothers and all the legal paperwork and judicial mumbo-jumbo and tweaking of our title cannot take the motherhood that is firmly entrenched in every cell and atom of our bodies and minds by that power.
So, to the good, little beemommies, who "know their place," knock yourself out diminishing yourself and pleasing the adopters and adoption establishment. But there is no need to be so threatened if there are those of us who have outgrown that kind of thing. I mean, is it any skin off your tush if we ask not be be called a "b-thing?" Of what are you afraid? Why the rants and the attacks? Where is the adult ability to "agree to disagree?" How can it hurt you NOT to call us all "b-things?"
I'd really like to understand why and so would a lot of other people.
True Mother of Four
Reformers who are always compromising, have not yet grasped the idea that truth is the only safe ground to stand upon.
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton