Sisyphus was a character in Greek mythology who was seen as very clever, if also very devious. He had a tendency to flout the traditions of Greek hospitality by murdering his guests. He was eventually condemned after deceiving first Death himself and then Hades, Lord of the Underworld, in order to escape his own demise. As punishment for his audacity, he was sentenced to be blinded and to perpetually roll a giant boulder up a mountain to the peak, only to have it inevitably roll back down the mountain into the valley. This myth is my favorite metaphor for wasted effort and frustration.
I look at the old guard in adoption activism and am seeing the same exercise in futility. Lacking vision, they roll the same old boulder up the same old hill and just can't understand why it won't stay on top. It reminds me of the old 12-step program axiom; "Insanity is when you do the same thing, over and over again, expecting different results everytime."
Sleeping with the enemy, the adoption industry and the adopters, is not going to advance the cause of family preservation or bring about redress for injustices against the mother of loss and their children. In fact, it has not done a whole lot in the cause of open records. It is only logical to assume that the status quo is in the best interests of the industry and those who benefit from it. They tend to lend their "support" to "reform" which is, in reality, mostly lip-service measures that will turn out to be a day late and a dollar short.
If someone comes along and tries a different avenue to a solution for the adoption problem, you can bet they will be attacked. In fact, the original family preservationists are being attacked, viciously and repeatedly, right now, which leads me to believe that what they have to say scares the bejeezus out of the Old Guard who is actually doing the attacking. Organizations that are really out to affect serious change threaten those who want to continue to receive the strokes of the adoption industry and the customers of that industry. They don't see the boulder they are chasing up and down that hill...they think it is a shiny award for their "service" and acclaim for their prodigious intellect and ascerbic wit. Personally, I feel betrayed by any mother of adoption loss who caters to the very people that caused and benefitted from our loss.
This morning, reading on one of the "Old Guard" groups, I saw where a Mother of Loss defended adopters as having only "accepted an option that was given to them" and characterized her loss to adoption the very same way, saying she was given an "option." It boggles the mind that otherwise intelligent people would see what we were "given" as an "option or choice." When there is only one thing presented, then there is nothing much from which to choose, is there? Yet, this is one of the oldest ploys to discredit the true experience of the mother of adoption loss and that it comes from one of our own is heartbreaking.
That big rock is rolling back down that big hill and I just hope that no one gets crushed in its passage. Of course, not being blinded to other schools of thought and methodology, some of us can see it coming and get out of its way.
True Mother of Four
Reformers who are always compromising, have not yet grasped the idea that truth is the only safe ground to stand upon.
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton