Another day and another comment from an adopter who "saw red" when she read my comments about adopters. First of all, Honey, you can see red all you want. I'm not exactly quaking in my boots. I gave up being intimidated by the self-righteous a long time ago. I delete and I delight in the power. I have been at the mercy of the self-entitled for so long that this is a lark for me. The worm has turned...film at eleven.
Now, I have to reiterate what I wrote in a prior post. Adopting is not heroic, it doesn't confer sainthood and God/dess/Cosmos/Universe/Nature had NOTHING to do with it. Adoption is a construct of humanity who arrogantly seems to think that they can go Nature one better, period.
Taking in a child truly in need of nurture and care is an act of compassion...assigning that child YOUR identity as YOUR son/daughter, changing the name, history, and heritage of that child, treating that child like a possession..all that is an act of self-entitlement and I will call it that until I have no more breath in my body because that is what it is..period! While it is a kindness that anyone would care for a child, especially one with special needs, it is as easy to proffer that kindness as a legal guardian. The assumption of "faux, legal parent-hood" is done for the sake of the adopter, NOT for the child. In our history, there are many worthy and well-loved people who grew up, not as son or daughter, but as ward, niece/nephew, grandchild, etc., without needing to take on the identity of the caregivers. It can be done. Hell, it SHOULD be done that way.
True mothers don't expect a halo or kudos when they care for their child who has health or developmental problems and they sure don't think that such as that JUSTIFIES their motherhood. And, I'm sorry, but I cannot be happy with any kind of spiritual system, deity or force that would visit this kind of thing on a child to help their caregiver OR mother/father "learn a lesson" or so they can mystically come into the care of "the pre-ordained" adopter. Nope, my Higher Power is a lot kinder than that. That kind of tragic thing comes under the unfortunate but true heading of "bad sh** that happens." I do believe that kindness and compassion are gifts from that Great Unknown and it's up to us to develop that gift within ourselves. Using that as a justification for the assumption of "legal motherhood" is something else again and there are definitely no halos for fulfilling your own needs.
It seems to be hard for a lot of people who read here to understand that I am, without apology and fear, sincerely ANTI-Adoption. And, while I understand that all those who adopt are not ogres or anything more than the usual normal, fallible, human being, I do hate the ACT of adopting and will never agree with that for any reason. So I ask the question that begs to be asked. Now that you know that about me, why would you try to post to me? I'm glad you have cared so well for your adoption-acquired child...I'm sorry you felt he had to assume YOUR family identity to do so. But, nothing you say is going to change my mind nor justify, in my mind, your adopting, nor is it going to alter what I have to say on this blog or in any other venue.
The only difference is that here, in this atmosphere, a Mother of Adoption Loss is finally able to have the last word. I am not ashamed to say that feels good.