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Someone likened my entry, refusal to read, and opinion of "Ithaka" to another blogger (prolific, it is said) who refused, proudly, to read Ann Fessler's "The Girls Who Went Away." Now K, Honey, no where in TGWWA is there a spewing of acidic hatred and venom against anyone. It is the true stories of mothers who were coerced out of the children during the BSE. If TGWWA had been a book of hateful tirades against adoptees, I doubt if I would have read it. Just to be clear, I have read excerpts from "Ithaka" and they triggered every painful part of my deleted motherhood experience, so make your comparisons accurate. I will not read the book in its entirety because I like myself more than that and will not expose myself to such a painful experience. If you are an adoptee who feels that way about natural mothers, then you don't need to be reading my blog, now do you? If someone doesn't want to acknowledge TGWWA or the BSE, that's tough for her. I hereby allow her to rock on with her bad self.
To the potential adopter who felt that the mother changing her mind was just as big an emotional blow as losing a child to adoption....c'mon woman...grow up! You are mourning the idea of a child. You did not gestate that child and bond with that child while it grew in your body. If you had done that and then had a stillbirth (a genuine tragedy), then I could feel more sympathy for you. But you did NOT lose something that was rightfully yours. The mother kept HER baby and she has that God-given right. Disappointment is not the same as soul-deep grief....not by a long shot. And as for your comments on infertility...yes, that is sad and I am sorry you are infertile. But, if you were missing a leg, would you expect another woman to cut hers off and give it to you? My husband and I both have chronic auto-immune diseases, but we make the best out of our lives that we can. We play the hand we are dealt.
Now, I don't usually answer the nutbars and nimrods, but the person who posted a 10-page, rambling, disjointed, irrational comment that made little to no sense, Sweetie, get some help, NOW. And take your medicines. I am really concerned about you. You are obviously unwell. The last time I read something like that was when a friend who has schizophrenia stopped taking her meds. I got an email from her that had me on the phone to her sister in a shot and yes, she was in bad shape when they got to her.
Now, I think that covered everyone I think might have merited, to some extent, an answer, without making my blog a sniping post for pro-adoptionists and bitter members of the adoption community. I like having the power to decide what I will and won't answer to or allow cause it's my blog. Nyahhh. Or, could I be......SATAN???????
5 comments:
I feel better knowing that you had indeed read parts of "Ithaka".
For some reason I was under the impression that you were relying soley on the opinions of others.
Kippa, my opinion is a blend of my small amount of reading excerpts from that benighted book and what I was told by an adoptee friend and another mother who managed to plow their way through the vitriol. Like I said, TGWWA was not that kind of book.
For me, all it took was a few selected paragraphs to kill my taste for reading the rest.
I *have* read Ithaka cover to cover, and I agree with Robin. I would NOT recommend it to anyone.
I am glad that I reunited first before reading it, and that it was not the only book that I read, because it would have negatively colored my idea of reunion and adoptees in general if I had.
Robin,
I remember when Ithaka came out it was about the time I first reunited with my son. Our group started to review it. They didn't finish reviewing it as I guess they didn't see the "prolific" value
of her book.
My opinion of this book was she keep all correspondence and decided that would make a good book.
Boring reading her thoughts about how she felt being an adoptee and how
hard she tried to keep the adoptee denial in place. After a while she she seemed to open up to her parents
She enjoyed being wooed by her parents that had married and wanted to have a relationship.
I WOULD never recommend it to a mother or an adoptee. It doesn't seem to be a great help in reunions in my opinion.
The media picked up on the book somewhat. The media always shows the side of adoption that makes it look like a wonderful thing as there are way to many adopters in the media, Hollywood etc.
What few paragraphs I read, from here and there, were so hateful, I just couldn't get the rest of the way into it at all. I sure don't see it as anything of value where reunion is concerned. And, it sure does seem to encourage the angry adoptees that think their mothers are emotional punching bags for their venting pleasure.
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