No, I haven't read it and I won't. I don't even know if I have spelled it right, but I have heard enough from my sisters and others in the natural family preservations movement to know that I don't want to get into this book that spews hateful cruelty at the author's natural parents.
Why is this the way with some adopted people? I really want to know? Why do they seem to think that we deserve punishment. Why do some seem to think that the only way they can be loyal to those who adopted them is to be cruel and uncaring to those of us who bore them? We are talking adults here...adults who have the capacity to reason and to incorporate the truth into their emotional lives. Many of them know the truth but don't want to accept the part that the adopters played in our tragedy.
Many of them cannot conceive of a world where young mothers had no autonomy or choice. Many cannot appreciate the power of the adoption industry, the brainwashing and the coercion, both brutal and subtle. Many can't imagine the desperation of a young, pregnant woman, set adrift by the very people, including the father of her baby, that should be protecting her. Many just don't want to believe us because, if they do, it will reveal the lies of their adopters and the false premise on which their lives have been built.
I admit that accepting the truth is quite a blow to have to absorb, but I don't see how reviling us, demanding that we kowtow to the adopters by calling them "parents," and attacking us as "passive/aggressive" and "bitter" can help the situation. I'm not talking about all adopted people, now. I am talking about the ones stuck and spinning their wheels in their misery. I am talking about one who stalked and harrassed his mother until she had to hide from him and seek police protection. I am talking about the ones who approached mothers who were frightened and took that for total rejection and thence to a judgment that all mothers are bad news. I have seen such vitriol and venom come from our own children that it blows the mind. "Ithaka" is almost a "how-to" manual for natural parent abuse.
I am fortunate that I have a good relationship with my reunited children, though rocky at times. I have had some nasty things said but I have also received heartfelt apologies and we have progressed. But I am so tired of trying to explain to someone else's adult child the reasons that I surrendered and what happened to me. I am NOT their mother. If their mother did, in fact, for no good reason, reject them, then shame on her but she's not me. There's an adoptee on My Space, right now, that hates mothers and adopters. Looks like she's an equal-opportunity hater. Hey, at least we're not getting all her venom. Share and share alike, I say.
If adopted people on other groups wonder why so many of us moms have retreated to private, or moms-only groups, they just have to read their own communications with us. They also have to cease making hurtful demands of us. We're only human and we suffered a loss that no mother should ever have to endure. Don't make it harder for us, and then, maybe, we can get somewhere. Or else, read "Ithaka" and learn how to really stick it to us. Us burmuggles really like to be kicked around...NOT.