Monday, March 24, 2008

"How Dare" I Say It?

Usually, when I get the irate comments from the pro-adoptionists, I just delete and ignore. It's usually an adopter who doesn't want to hear the truth or an adoptee who is terrified of knowing the truth. This last comment to which I address this post was from someone who was adopted and, is properly "grateful," and wants to know "how dare I say I hate adoption." Now isn't that special?

You know what, Honey? You are not required to be grateful for what any child raised by their natural family takes for granted. It is every child's right to have food, shelter, medical care, nurture and guidance. The people who adopted you did themselves a favor. Adoption isn't about a home for a child, in most instances, but about a child for a home. In this self-serving, self-entitled, greedy world of ours where people think they can play God and mothers are seen as nothing more than disposable vessels, I think I can hate adoption all I like and I have the constitutional right to put it in print if I so choose.

If you were to have people tell you that you are unfit to raise your own children just because you might be young and single, and be coerced into signing papers that break your heart into a million pieces, you might say the same thing. Adoption, American-style is all about the money and eugenics and social mythology. It is NOT a win-win "solution" to any perceived "problem" and neither infertility nor the desire to be seen as saintly rescuers gives anyone entitlement to the child of another woman.

For me, adoption has been nothing but a tragedy, a loss, a process of grief and pain and scars that will always be there. I have seen mothers coerced, scammed and living their lives in pain while being denigrated by the very people who profit from the mother's misfortune. I have seen adoptees feeling adrift, different, out of place, insecure and rejected and told lies by the very people they call "parents." I have seen them mourn the loss of their heritage in silence.

I have seen formerly decent, caring people turn into obsessed, insecure, possessive neurotics in order to retain the title of "only mom." I have seen these people treat the source of their "joy in a child" like road trash, with hatred and fear. I've seen mothers of adoption loss kicked to the curb by their adult children just because these so-called adults think they have the right and have believed all the lies they were told or just in the name of "loyalty" to their adopters.

I have seen so-called "open" adoptions slam shut in the face of a mother who is still wondering why in the world she ever signed those benighted papers in the first place, a mother who bought into the adoption mythology and then awoke from her dream to the reality of her loss. One such mother took her own life after that happened.

Yep, I said it before and I'll say it again, because, just like a *"Jellical Cat," I can and because I dare...I HATE ADOPTION. If that bothers you, then I'd advise you not to read here, because I say that a lot.

(*Above reference from the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical "Cats" with lyrics from t s eliot's poetry)


Robin said...

LOVED it. how dare you indeed. :) keep it up. good for you!

Robin said...

Thanks, Robin (love your name..LOL).

Oh, and K? Honey, I do because I can and I dare and it's my blog. It's not a debating board. I am taken seriously by those that matter and by myself. That's enough for me. I don't need your approval or challenges.

Thinking Mama said...

I'm not fond of adoption either. Many other adoptees dislike me immensely when I say that; that's why I tend not to hang out with other adoptees. It's a really big step for people to realize that they've lived a lie for most of their lives, that they were separated from their natural family, and that they are part of a huge social experiment by do-gooder social wreckers and others. It goes against the grain in a way that most people don't want to do. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the lies because it's easier to live with them; the truth is so very, very painful. But if we do not embrace the truth, the horrors of mother and child separation will continue.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.