Friday, March 14, 2008


In seeking wisdom thou art wise; in imagining that thou hast attained it - thou art a fool. Lord Chesterfield

Whoever said that youth was wasted on the young was so right. I would love to be young and know what I know now, and that is that I don't know it all. I can still learn. I can still be humble enough to have the grace to ask and consider and think rather than hanging doggedly on to one perception of any situation. While I am loyal to my friends, I don't always see things in the same way that they do, but I am open to hearing what they have to say. In any event, allowing my friends the right to see things their way is part of being humble and part of being a good friend.

Too many people equate humility, a spiritual value, with humiliation, or being made to look foolish in front of others. These folks are the ones who have a hard time saying, "I'm sorry," or, "I was wrong" or even, "I could be wrong but let's agree to disagree." In my current and only, last and forever marriage, we use the rule of humility #1...we'd rather be happy than be right.
If we can say that we are sorry or even agree to disagree and allow the other person the right to their beliefs and opinions, then we have a basis for a strong relationship. We are in our 19th year of marriage and I love him more, every day.

It is when we dogmatically and perversely insist on being right and having everyone else march in lock-step with us, that we do ourselves and others an injustice. I have not been entirely innocent, in my life, of having that attitude and I can see it in others because I have seen it in myself.

I want to tell one vociferous and very NON-humble but prolific poster on the Internet, especially posting on the forum of a certain older and established organization that purports to support the natural parent that, Honey-Bunch, you can call yourself a GoddessMother if that blows your skirt up. But don't try to dictate what the rest of us choose to call ourselves. If you can answer, happily, to the "b" word, then knock yourself out. But I and many others don't like it, won't use it and feel that is our earned prerogative.

Another thing I have learned to recognize is the emotional bullies among us. These are the ones we have to block from our inbox because they will harass and fume and spout until we either lash out or come around to their way of thinking. These are the ones who will play to the gallery and gather sycophants by seeming to see things their way. They want control and adulation and will settle for people being in fear of them.

Then we have the intensely emotional martyrs who live in the pain rather than using that pain and anger to find their way to a better place. These are the ones who will complain, over and over again, about the same perceived insults and injuries but will not learn from others that there is healing and a healthy way to deal with what has transpired.

Finally, there are those of us who have to be jolted, now and again, in order to re-examine their accumulated "wisdom" and recognize what is and what isn't real. I have argued points with people until everyone grew tired of seeing my posts. I have debated until my fingers ached. I have explained myself, ad infinitum, and I just said "WHOA!" I don't have to explain myself, over and over again to the same people. I'm not going to change anyone by doing that and no one is going to change me by doing the same in reverse. Hey, it's OK to let a disagreement stand and go on to other things. What a concept! I wish I had thought of it, first, but I didn't. Here's that "humility" thing again that forces me to admit that I got this piece of advice from my youngest daughter, Bless Her.

So, I can say that, in my 62+ years on this planet, I now know what I know, but I also know what I DON'T know. I do know that being right all the time is not possible for anyone, including me. Not everyone is going to jump on the BSE bandwagon with me or be tolerant towards certain other people. But that's OK. I'm going to do what, to my knowledge, is the best I can do and leave the others to find their own way and care about them all on their journey. Who knows what someone else might be able to teach us from their journey? Now, if I can just stick to this idea..................

1 comment:

Robin said...
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