And The Beat Goes On

Life always has a way of sideswiping us while we are making plans and pursuing our avocations. It's been a lot of up and down with me and mine, lately. At my age, there always seem to be things I have to stop and see to while I am trying to change the world (said tongue in cheek..I know I am not that powerful).

We are still involved in a battle against Mast Cell Tumor cancer in our little rat terrier mix, Rocky. We just discovered his third mass since April. He was just healing up from having his second one removed when we came across this one. He gets daily massages which he enjoys but which are, in reality, us checking him for any lumps that shouldn't be there. He is in surgery, right now and will be starting chemotherapy next week. We have placed a limit on how far we will go with this and it has been a rough decision. If any more tumors appear while he is undergoing chemo, then we are switching to palliative care until the time comes to let him rest. He is a real trooper and I think he knows we are trying to help him. He just gets so stressed when we go into the vet's office. I was in tears when we left him this morning.

Meanwhile, my husband and love of my life is ill again with a flare-up of a chronic illness. His IBD is considered "mild to moderate" but the flares are no fun. We are having to jump through the usual medical and insurance hoops just to get him treated and it's frustrating. He's been diagnosed long enough for us to know what is going on. Just get the treatment started, already! I have to thank whatever powers there are that brought me to this man. He keeps his spirits up, no matter how bad things get. He is my anchor. It is my honor and privilege to care for him when he is unwell. He is also a lot of fun to be around, as you can see.

I have so much in my life for which to be grateful. It isn't easy to stop and count your blessings when you are plowing through the audacity of life, but it is the only way I can stay sane. The other way I hold on to my (relative) sanity is with activism and laughter. I do what I can, say what I can to  be a voice for EMS mothers. And I have learned to do something I wish a few other loved ones would learn to do...I can laugh at myself. What would have mortified me when I was young, now just tickles me. I think that age enables us not to take ourselves so seriously that we miss out on the fun of being alive.

I could get all bent out of shape about so many things, such as the glassy-eyed beemommies who are acting as young Judas goats for the Industry and sailing along on the drug of assumed heroism and righteousness. They do make me want to barf. But then, I had to laugh when the picture popped into my head of row after row of Mattell's First Lady of dolls, and calling them "Birthmom Barbies." I see the pictures and read the saccharine stories that exalt the surrendering of their own flesh and blood and have to wonder if every last one of them is 'Legally Blond."

Once in a while, you have to live. It is a fact that you need to see about things at home, first. And all the time, you need to take time to laugh and be aware of what good has come your way. And I have to also be grateful for the fact that I am real, I am whole and I'm not up on that wall with all the Barbies. I wonder if any of them would have had the strength to endure what we did? This is an age of being self-entitled and self-deluded. I don't think that many of them would make it without the fairy stories they tell themselves and others.

So, today, I am going to let the BmomBarbies hang, while I see to my guys and to my life. I might even take a nap if I get the time. Life IS and it sure beats the alternative.