Sunday, September 26, 2010

Duck!! Incoming "Bitter" Bombs!

It never ceases to amaze me how easily others judge our entire lives based on the time we spend on the Internet. Someone found an obscure theory by a German psychiatrist and cleverly (not) sent me the link in my comments section. Once again, we have to dodge the "Bitter Bomb." It reminds me of those bomb drills in and cover. Here is the link to this theory called "Post Traumatic Embitterment Syndrome."

Now, according to this esteemed shrink or group thereof, this syndrome makes the sufferer barely able to function. Let me educate someone, here, whoever you are. (Doncha just love people who post anonymously?)

(1) Angry does NOT equal bitter. Anger is just an emotion and, as such, can be dealt with and channeled into effective action. Debate is healthy and disagreement is allowable in the general, shared arena (not here).
(2) There is such a thing as righteous (right·eous/ˈrīCHəs/Adjective1. (of a person or conduct) Morally right or justifiable; virtuous. 2. Perfectly wonderful; fine and genuine.) anger or indignation. That's not "bitter."
(3) I doubt that a psychologically impaired victim of such a "syndrome" would be able to maintain a marriage, a job, raise children, write, paint, have friendships and all the other things that I and my sister Mothers have managed to do, quite well for many years.
(4) We are more than just our cause or one-dimensional people. We have lives. To judge any of us with such an obscure theory by what you read on the Internet is shortsighted and malicious on your part. Or, are YOU living on the "Net?
(5) Usually most people dislike and criticize in others the things that they like least about themselves. I just thought I would throw that in there.

A lot of adopted people responded to that last post so I wonder who you are calling "bitter?" I also know that these ladies are very functional in their daily lives...well, one or two are cheerfully silly but that is a plus.
Psychiatrists are already alerted to the number of adopted people, especially when they enter their teens, that suffer from very REAL identity problems and confusion.

Although many mothers have recognized, in themselves, the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the mental health community has failed to recognize this effect on Mothers whose children were appropriated for adoption. We have, more or less, with a little professional help, here and there, diagnosed and treated ourselves. Well, gee golly gumps! Now how on earth would a person "barely able to function" accomplish THAT? Maybe we could and we did because we have been through the fire and gained a pair of blue-steel ovaries?

Some of us coped the best way we could until we learned more about the whats and whys of our pain. Some still experience disassociation, occasionally but still function. Some have broken free of agoraphobia, eating disorders, addictions and a lot of other things that would have destroyed us. Most of us have made it and have good lives...not perfect, but as good as any of the rest of the world out there and better than some. Those few who haven't...well some are gone, now. Losing a living, breathing child is not an easy thing to live through.

As far as the adoptee is concerned, I can't speak to their concerns. I am not one, although I do understand feelings of abandonment. But I look at the adopted people who have posted replies to the preceding blog and I see very successful, functioning people. I see people who don't deny their pain and frustration but who examine it and try to deal with and overcome it. That sure seems healthy to me.

No matter which, Mother or Adoptee, we have a right to our anger. We have a right to refuse to keep silent about injustices that violated our human rights and the civil rights of our children and the people behind those injustices. And if it bothers you or anyone else, then keep on lobbing those old Bitter Bombs.

But maybe you need practice because you haven't registered a direct hit, yet.


Kathleen Indianapolis said...


Sandra said...

You are bang on as usual Robin!!!

Sandy Young said...

This looks to me like a very subtle attempt to blame the victim, all wrapped up tidily in psychobabble. It takes the edge off the PTSD thing, and makes it not a traumatic incident's fault, but somehow the fault of the victim. It is just simply tiresome.

I don't care what anyone says, we are entittled to our anger, and what we do with it is the measure of who we are. Denying it seems more toxic to me that to embrace and use it as an energy source.

When I am happy, blissful and not angsting over something, to get on the computer and write something about the horrors of surrender for mothers or the violation of mothers' rights in pending legislation is very difficult. Getting an edgy little mad on helps to write convincingly. What I don't understand and cannot even begin to imagine is how anyone would think that we would feel any differently! It is dumb to assume otherwise.

Thanks for posting this. This is excellent and so logical that to not understand is to be willful rather than accidental.

BD said...

And I thought only adoptees were "bitter." These allegations are an extension of the sore winner syndrome we see in politics. While libs and progressives aren't immune from it, the majority of sore winners are on the conservative side.

Sandy Young said...

LOL, BD, Bitter has been thrown at mothers for the past 20 years and more. Perhaps they think that the reason adotpees are so "BITTER" is because they are Spawh of bitterness.

Stephanie said...

I wonder how many adopters have Post Traumatic ENTITLEMENT Syndrome?

Sorry, I just couldn't resist...

ElaineP said...

I've seen some people who post as 'Anonymous', but say So&So Here... But if they don't, I don't post anything from 'Anonymous' otherwise -- I really think that if they don't identify WHO they are, then I'm not willing to listen....

joy said...


As if I am ashamed as being as bitter as dried out Folgers psuedo coffee bean?

I will take your bitter and raise you an incensed. Furious, angry as all hell is more like it.

Bitter doesn't even begin to describe my feelings. Angry as hell and not going to take it anymore is a start.

Bitter? About having my identity taken from me? Bitter, about having my adoptive parents have information about my birth legally and me never? Bitter? You have to be joking me?

No, there is no bitter here, I have moved way beyond bitter to outraged, disgusted, and not willing to play the game anymore.

Bitter, lollers, give me my birth certificate and then I may be bitter. At the current moment I am an angry as hell adoptee.

Chris said...

Part I..
OK...if PTED is really a mental disorder, caused by the coerced, blackmailed into removal of my newly born infant from me..then wouldn't I also be entitled to sue and seek restitution for others causing this affliction, that has supposedly 'disabled' me all of my adult life?? Yeah, right!

Is Your Bitterness a Medical Condition? 8 Controversial Conditions
The shrink community has decided to just about label every human being on earth with some type of 'mental illness'. How convenient that is for the profitable shrink business and Big Pharma. Label more with any type of obscure/non-sensical mental illness...write lots of scripts and Big Pharma enjoys even more profit. Brave New World anybody?

On another note here..I guess my dearly departed hubby could have been labeled as 'bitter'. Well, jeez how dare he be bitter in his last years of life..stricken with Dementia at 62 yrs of age. One doc actually sent him to a neuro-psychiatrist, counseling him in "life goal-planning" with the prescribed drugs! He also suffered from untold amounts of pain..because stupid doctors didn't run the rights tests and by the time a doctor did get concerned about his health, AFTER I brought him to the hospital by ambulance...12 days later he died of Colon Cancer. But how dare he be bitter about such..guess he should have 'moved-on'. Wait! He did!!..for eternity!

Chris said...

This DSM labeling is just convenient for the shrink business and Big Pharma and the *non-thinking nit-wits* (is there a DSM code for the aforementioned?) who don't want to hear the truth..yet call others bitter. Well I think the Deniers should be labeled within DSM as well..thereby allowing the shrink business to diagnose accurately and write even more scripts, whereby Big Pharma can increase there profits even more.
In conclusion, I think your anon person, should seek help as well for their 'mental illness'..DOT (Denial of Truth)! And there is a prescribed drug for that *mental illness* that will cause the truth to flow uninhibited from their lips (now whether the Truth enters their ears is up for debate)..Truth Serum, otherwise known as..sodium thiopental (commonly known as sodium pentathol)to be taken in massive doses 3 times a day for those suffering from DOT!
Anon call your doctor IMMEDIATELY, so that you can 'move-on' from your mental affliction!

* Robin, Please just post the comments marked Part I & Part II*

maybe said...

At first glance I thought you wrote "Post Traumatic Entitlement Syndrome!" Which so many adopters suffer from when they whine about young women being able to get pregnant so easily or their outrage at a mother who decides to keep her baby.

I went to the link descirbing the "embitterment" syndrome - seems like every marignalized group in history should have been lobotomized since they all had this syndrome. Oh wait, they actually used to do that to women and minorities who had the audacity to be angry and demand change.