Tuesday, September 21, 2010

An Essay A Day...

....can be hard to produce. I am not Flannery O'Connor, Dorothy Sayers, Oliver Wendell Holmes or Charles Lamb. I see myself, all too often, as a one-trick-pony (but I turn that trick with pride). There comes a time when it is hard to be inspired by the same thing, over and over again. Sometimes, I am at a loss for clever analogies and new perspectives. Dealing with one subject can be creatively confining. I guess I am fortunate that so much happens in the OK Corral of Adoption.

For Instance:
Why is it.....
..that even though many of us gave the social workers and the birth records workers the names of the fathers of our babies, our archaic laws forbade those names appearing on the actual document?

Why is it....
..that Trolls of every description want to invade and disrupt our forums in the name of "really wanting to understand?" Are we posting in ancient Aramaic?

Why is it....
..that some adoptees get their knickers in a knot when you relate a bad experience with the adopters of your child? You aren't talking about THEIR adopters. We can only opine about our own children's adopters and our own situation and our own experience with adopters in general.

Why is it....
..that there are mothers who will paste themselves to the back of the closet, still? Haven't they heard that it is no longer a shameful thing to be a natural mother? Don't they know that secrets are toxic? Aren't they tired of all that crap?

Why is it...
..that there are nasty folks who will still use the term "birthmother" even after you ask them not to use it in reference to or around you? To me, it is as offensive as the "n" word is to an African-American.

Why is it...
..that so-called "spiritual leaders" can mangle the scriptures they see as the infallible word of God in order to justify separating a mother and child for adoption? Just off the top of my head...Moses was a "failed adoption" which ended with his reverting to his national and familial origins and Solomon gave the infant back to the real mother.

Why is it...
..that our government can give out money and tax breaks in the name of "adoption incentives" but cringe at the thought of using that same money to give a new mom a hand AND that rather than "mothering incentives" it becomes "welfare?"

Why is it...
..that our National Government supports an "Infant Adoption Awareness" program? Where is our representation in Washington? Are we not citizens, as well?

Why is it...
..that movies, novels (with a few notable exceptions) and news stories about adoption seem to tell only one side of the story and that is not even completely accurate? The most realistic movie I have seen about adoption is "Loggerheads" and even that one shows the mother resolving her pain....after never seeing her son prior to his death. That is not the way most of these stories really go in real life, at all.

Why is it...
..that a book about natural mothers of the EMS, written by an adoptee (and a fine book it is...not complaining on that front) becomes a best-seller, while books and articles written by natural mothers usually only get a lukewarm reception or have to be self-published?

Why is it....
..that I often feel as though we are living in a very controlled society  rather than the free one we are taught about in school? I have called it the United States of Adoption and I fear I am not far off the mark.

Why is it....
..that, though we were, in most cases, abandoned by the father of our child, isolated from our families, shamed, browbeaten and coerced, some still want to say that the only true victims of adoption are adoptees? We didn't have a choice, either (and I am speaking of those of us who experienced the full brunt of the EMS and parental and social coercion). Also, what infant, kept or surrendered, ever has a choice in the matter? A baby can't make choices. (Then again, when a baby arches his or her back away from the foster caregiver or adopter and frets and cries while doing so..well, that should tell them SOMETHING.)

And why it is, that no matter what I have going on in my life, all these questions and more keep running through my mind? I could fill up a notebook with these questions. I haven't asked them all here. I have yet to receive an answer from the ones who benefit from this social obscenity that makes any sense at all.

Why is it, that these people, this industry, can be so destructive to the hearts and souls of mothers and their children and get away with it? Answer THAT one.

(Final question: Why is it that certain people, who think they have all the answers and the only right ones, don't latch on to the fact that these questions are, largely, rhetorical?)

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Trust me, I hear you, from the other side maybe, but I hear you.

Joy-joy

Sandy Young said...

answer that one? I wish I could. I think that those old Puritans have a LOT to answer for and I hope they are enjoying the "Hottub" they are stewing in, because they will be there for a very long time....

Von said...

Greed and profit trump compassion and common sense every time.

Anonymous said...

Robin,

The senseless things that are done
Mothers and babies makes no sense.

I do think anything to do with adoption
Is always covered with positives. Anything
Written by mothers of adoption loss is not
Covered.

Gale

Anonymous said...

And another one:

Christians believe that a child is "A gift from God" .... well if they are a gift from God then they are intended for the perosn to whom he gave them. Why can't Christian hell-bent on the adoption of children born to unwed Mom's, interpret this correctly?????

Anonymous said...

Look at baby stealing at Gladney. I AM a Christian and this has NO place in the God's plan! This is the bait of Satan; he is subtle and delights in deception disguising himself as a messenger of light. This is a trap and Satan is laughing!!
http://www.ednagladney.org/html/pregnant/christianAdoption.php

Anonymous said...

People who are advocating this social engineering "adoption" are not getting their guidance from God's word. They may be "believers" but Satan is having his way with them. The entire new testament is about a man who was born in a manger without material things but he did have his MOTHER.

Robin said...

To Anon (and Anon if there are two of you): I appalud your interpretation of your faith and appreciate your feelings in the matter. Yet, it seems that the churches, as a whole, avidly support adoption. They have bought into the fallacy that it is a choice between abortion or adoption. That isn't so. If a woman decided to terminate, then she does and it all is a moot point. However, if she decided to carry to term, then she should be offered help and support to keep and raise her child. Too many religious folk see the unmarried mother as a "sinner" and unworthy of her child. I was raised in the church and I know how too many of them think. More churched folks such as yourself could speak out about this issue and, perhaps, put a few church-sponsored adoption agencies out of business. Is that a viable concept?

Anonymous said...

Churches do advocate adoption but we know they are being deceived. The problem with deception is you don't know it. Unless you are a victim of adoption you have probably been educated on the subject by our secular society. Churches are so appauld by abortion they can't see that their solution is of their doing not God's. I'm not sure there's as much shame in unwed pregnancy as there once was. It seems now some parents encourage their daughters to surrender and then wear it as some sort of badge of rightousness .. an accomplishment. The mothers are suppose to carry on with their lives getting the materialist things their parents dreamed of. I've called the agency and told them what I thought but that didn't even make me feel better b/c they don't care. And, when you tell anybody (ie church) you were 15 you lose them right then. I listen for God to show me how I can help them see if it is His will.

Robin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Robin said...

Anon, I deleted your comment and my last one. You are right. It isn't doing either one of us any good. I wish you well in your healing.

Please understand that many of us resent organized religion because they represent one of the driving forces in our painful experience.

I also do not believe that there is a need for Satan. The self-righteous can be evil enough without him. IMO there is little left of love in the church and a lot of judgement. That's what happens when human beings profess to know the mind and will of a Higher Power.

We are just at opposite ends of the spectrum with that. But you have every right to believe what you do and it needs to be respected, just as I want my views the be respected.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the nice reply! I don't necessarily believe in organized religion either. I believe in following Christ. I read about a faithful servant who refused to call himself a Christian because he knew too many of them . .he said he tries to follow Christ and that's the way I am. He is my example not the church. Belonging to a church doesn't mean you agree with them. The bible talks about this in Revelation. I could go on and on about the bible and I've only recently began really studying it since I came out of the adoption fog. It has cleared many things up for me. God wants me to use my life for good and I'm trying to figure that out. I listen for God to show me b/c I don't know His Will. I am a victim of their rightousness and it makes me want to puke.