Friday, September 10, 2010

Illegitimi Non Carborundum

It seems that, of late, there have been more and more cases of persecution of the innocent and those who speak the truth. Three friends go hiking in the Middle Eastern Mountains and are arrested by the Iranians who charge them with espionage. A young woman wants to marry someone of another religion and she is stoned to death. A whistle-blower is fired and persecuted in an attempt to silence him.

And, the far right and the religious fundies are on a tear in this country for no other reason, when you strip away all the rest of the palaver and specious reasonings, than the fact that our President, duly elected, is a mixed race man with features of the African American race. I think they would be just as nasty and irrational if the chief executive were a woman with liberal leanings. The Old Boys Club took a  beating and they are pulling out all the stops and using the ignorant and bigoted in their campaign. Their campaign has been so successful that a full 20% or more of our population now believe that Mr. Obama is a non-American-born Muslim. This, as we all know (or I hope we do) is slanderous Poppycock and the usual scare tactics that target the less astute citizens of our nation.

Now, we also have anti-choice zealots bemoaning the fact that adoption referrals from Planned Parenthood are decreasing. The number of infants surrendered by single mothers is also decreasing and the Industry and its backers are perturbed to the point that they are doing all in their power to persuade young women to "make an adoption plan(yuck)" and "place" their newborns with a "deserving couple." The message here is that the mother who dares to become pregnant while, single, poor or not having completed her education is NOT deserving of her child. It's a subtler and more insidious version of the same old persecution. The idea of a family headed by a single, young, less-than-affluent woman seems to really scare the bejeesus out of the Good Old Boys.

Along with the tea parties, Palinist goofball rhetoric and other such right-wing nonsense, we are now seeing an upswing in the attacks online and in the general media against adoption reform, open records and those investigating questionable adoption practices and the overzealous actions of the various state Child Services and Social Service agencies. The agencies, including the church-affiliated agencies, are pulling out all the stops and even haunting the adoption forums online to press their agendas.

This can, at times, really get me down. But I have adopted a new slogan, one that was used by General "Vinegar" Joe Stillwell in the Latin, "Illegitimi Non Corborundum," and used as a theme for a popular song by the Toasters, "Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down." I have spent most of my adult life with opinions that were less than popular or politically correct as in "ain't adoption sweeeeet?" I have learned to hold fast to what I know to be true and understand that the more someone fights to change my views, the more they must feel threatened by them.

Well, to our adult children and my sister mothers, congratulations. They are lining us up in their sights and hauling out the big ammo. Adoption reformers and anti-adoption activists are the target du jour. They are afraid of those of us who are Senior Mothers because there was a lot of paperwork flim-flamming going on back then and the agencies, private, church-run and state-run, want to cover their precious behinds. That is also why they are trotting out an unprovable adoption myth, that of the non-existent guarantee of anonymity for the surrendering mother, to deny adult adopted people the right to their original birth certificates. We already know many, many reunited mothers and adult children who have discovered the lies of their surrender. That must really bother the ones who perpetrated those lies.

We have many, many mothers who don't remember ever signing a surrender document. We find that our children, whom we were promised would be swiftly taken to their adoptive homes, often were kept for months in foster care, without the knowledge of the mother, so that the officials could declare them abandoned. That nasty word is even in a lot of the paperwork. The bitch of this is that, had I known the time frame I had to change my mind and that my children were in foster care, believe me I would have done all I could do to get them back. The social workers of that day knew that, hence the prevarication. With reunions and the campaigns for open records, the secrets and the lies are circling around to the hindquarters of the social workers and agencies, trying to line up a good bite.

So, along with the decision I have made to refuse to allow these conscienceless bastards to grind me down, comes the satisfaction of another truism...what goes around, comes around. Karma is staring the Adoption Industry in the face and Karma can be a real bitch.

There's a little bit of hope for the good guys, yet.


Anonymous said...

I support you 100%, Robin, until you get to the derogatory use of the word bastard.

I am a bastard. I proud one at that. Anyone that uses the term bastard in a derogatory way to describe a mean, vile, disgusting person is insulting me and almost every adopted person along with all others who don't know their fathers.

The societal misuse of the word "bastard" helps to continue the idea that the fatherless are "less than" and deserve less than the rest and should, therefore, accept sealed birth records and discrimination.

Robin said...


I understand your response to the term. I thought long and hard before I decided to use it. I do not recognize the concept of illegitimacy. Every child born is born rightfully. But the impact of what I was trying to convey called for the use of the term.

There is also the fact that most of us mothers know your fathers and are happy to tell you who they are. A marriage licence is the only thing missing and that indicates that, unless a mother and child are "owned" by a man, the child is not legitimate. That is an outdated concept that should have gone the way of the dinosaurs a long time ago.

I admire the adoptees who wear the "Bastard" title proudly, although to me, unchurched and rebellious as I am, it is a misnomer. I only wish we mothers had a comparitive term to use.."Sluts?" "Fornicators?" "Lightskirts?"

Your taken offense is noted and I apologize for any hurt it may have caused. Believe me, I was not including adoptees and had no other comparable example to use.

Sandy Young said...

Actually, Anonymous, you are not legally a bastard anymore. You were "legitimized" by the act of adoption. A technicality, I know, but there it is. I have a friend, a True Bastard and a first mother, who, I am sure, will be reading this and will support this statement.

And, you are correct, Robin, they have become even more insidious and sneaky. I am also noting that what was old is new again. The other day, a White Paper by Donaldson from 2006 was dusted off, "Protecting the Rights of the Birthmothers in Adoption" or something along those lines, as "proof" that they are concerned about the rights of young women. I reminded them that the full name of EBD is Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Research Institute. Heavy emphasis on the Adoption part. So, they are ALWAYS working toward Adoption. That is necessary to remember when viewing ANYTHING that comes from them, or agencies or anyone connected to the receiving end of adoption, including the market, IMO.

Just sayin....

Baby Love Child said...

I often use lower case "b" for the cultural use, and capital "B" for the reclaimed political use.

Just sign me a proud Bastard.

Robin said...

It is capitalized in one place of my post because it is part of a song title. But in the English phrase, it is the lower case.

Anonymous said...

The man who adopted me was never a father to me, only on paper and I don't want his name listed as my father on any document. It's a lie and he was an abusive, horrible man.

My natural mother refuses to help me find my father.

Thanks for the clarification, Robin. I know you didn't mean anything by it. I'm speaking from a societal view.

I am a Bastard.

Robin said...

(((Anon))) And I have many good friends who are Bastards. Unfortunately for many of us nmoms, the fathers of our surrendered children were not very nice either. So many of us were abandoned and maligned by these guys. It's better not to have to carry the name of any man than to carry the name of an abusive or uncaring man.

Just Me said...

For Robin's post...

Amen. Can I get an Hallelujah???

Chris said...

""It's better not to have to carry the name of any man than to carry the name of an abusive or uncaring man.""
I am very happy (and proud)to say, that today I legally carry the last name I was born with...that of my own mother. As a child I was "forced" to carry the name of my step-father (who I believed to be my real father) who was horribly abusive.

My original last name (maiden) name, is the same as my mother's maiden name...and that makes me so very happy!

Robin said...

You are so right to be proud and happy, Chris.

Sandy Young said...

Forgot to mention that karma thing....karma can be a snarling, raging bitch! I am hoping that there is special room in the Crockpot of the Hearafter for the people who feel that it is just fine to rehome children, destroy women and use them for their parts.

Anonymous said...

I've thought about taking my natural mothers maiden name as my last name, but I want what is legitimately MINE by blood which is my natural father's last name. He doesn't know I exist, so he never had the chance to claim me himself. He's probably dead now.

Thanks for the hugs, Robin!!! Right back at you!!!

We will kill this dragon...natural mom's and adoptees will join forces and shred this adoption beast, turn it into spam, and feed it to all the rainbow-farting unicorns!!! LMAO.

Robin said...

I hope everyone got the main message I was trying to deliver. It morphed into a discussion of the bastard word. LOL