Monday, April 28, 2008

Morality, an Issue in Flux?

Sometimes I think all this hostility directed towards the single, never-wed mother, especially the ones of us who were trapped by the adoption industry, goes a lot deeper than the insecurities of adopters and the greed of the industry. There is that patriarchal, Puritanical, right-wing, judgmentalism that parades around as "sexual morality." That judgmentalism also always blames the women, even when it is an adolescent child who was abused by an older, male sexual predator or a rape victim.

In Adoption, where is the morality in causing a lifetime of pain and grief for a young woman and a load of rejection, emotional responsibility for the welfare of adults, and identity confusion for a child? The so-called "moral majority" and "Christian Conservatives" in this country are so obsessed with who does what in bed with who that one wonders why there IS that obsession? They say that men think about sex an average of 17,000 times a day and men still run the show. The church has been totally patriarchal since Paul got hold of it and women have always been feared for our "power" of bringing forth life.

Let a woman show a bit of sexual autonomy or dare to reproduce without the "proper credentials" (marriage, savings account, career, McMansion, two cars, past the 30th birthday) and the predators are on her like white on rice. Let her be married to a man who is less than affluent and have more than 2 children and here comes the CPS, in the guise of white knights, to relieve them of their adoptable little assets. It is, therefore, concluded that being poor is immoral.

The open adoption proponents are about ready to realize that this particular tossed crumb didn't fix things because too many moms are rebelling against the constant torture of seeing their child calling another woman, "Mom" and having to dance to the adopters' tunes. So, the "sinner" is still on the outside, being punished for her lapse in "morality." If anything, "open" adoption has proven just how corrupt the industry and those who are out to have what they want at any cost can be.

We all are learning that the law of the land and how things go in a court of law is not based on what is ethical, right or just, anymore. It's based on what is "legal" and how that legality can be attained through what loopholes and machinations. It's how the courts and the law are acting against Stephanie Bennett, the mother in Ohio, who was abused, impregnated and threatened by an older man, betrayed by a school counselor and taken in by an adoption agency whose license is on the line, already, for a number of offenses.

By all that is moral, ethical, just and right, the people who have her little girl should be at her doorstep, hats in hand, to place that toddler in her real mother's arms. But they are manipulating the law, issues of jurisdiction, and the old "child's best interests" ploys to the hilt and at the advice of the agency, A Child's Waiting Adoption Services. Poor Stephanie and her family are middle American, blue-collar, normal folk like most of us and they are up against a sophisticated system that can turn the, seemingly, elastic concept of morality, against her.

For most of us raised in this segment of society, justice has always been for what was right...not for what was legally attainable. And I was taught that it was immoral to bring pain to others for your own gain or for any other reason. But I guess that morality, sexuality and how it is allowed or disallowed or turned, twisted and contorted is up to the Magi of the legal loopholes and the bottom line. It is confusing, I am sure, to many of our young people to see this as they see that it is immoral to do such-and-such in one situation, but moral to do the same in another? And we wonder about the narcissism and self-involvement of younger generations?

We, as a culture and as a nation, are what our leaders, in governments, churches and businesses, are making us and it doesn't look good. The Ugly American is getting uglier. Morality seems to be reduced to whatever fits the current need and to hell with any pain caused along the way. Spiritual values are bent to fit the bell curve of society's latest bent and we can call ourselves lost if we let it continue.

It would be nice if we found our way back to the true morality of what is just, kind and compassionate and if we started by bringing Evelyn Bennett back to her mother and her grandparents. If that were to happen, then I would stop worrying so much about what is happening to our national morality, or, well, at least that would be a step in the right direction.

Right now, our national morality seems to me to be so much silly putty.


Anonymous said...

Great post, Robin! Thank you for speaking what we (the BSE) moms feel.

HeatherRainbow said...

unrelated to your post... but couldn't remember your email... wondering if since you are Florida and hooked up with moms, if you knew anyone who lost a daughter in FL who was born July of 1994. I have pictures of the child if you know someone who may fit. It may have been through First Coast or Shorstein, but maybe not.

Robin said...

Sorry Heather, but I have only lived here for 11 years and have never hitched up with any other organizations down here. Most people here are adoption-friendly. There was a search/support group in Orlando, but they have disbanded. I really wouldn't know who to put you in touch with since Sandy Musser is no longer helping with searches.

HeatherRainbow said...

ok, thanks! It was worth a shot. :)

Thinking Mama said...

Honestly, Robin, I can't quite figure out what kind of true Christian encourages a mother to give away her baby. There are lots of things that the so-called conservative Christians do that don't make a bit of sense and don't sound at all like something that Jesus would do. I would think that Jesus would try to help the mother. Most (not all) adopters justify their purchase by saying it was God's will or some such. Unfortunately, this kind of thing doesn't just happen with the supposed Christians. I've read the whole I-dreamed-of-this-child/it's-the-universe's-plan-for-me-to-have-this-child thing with New Age religions as well.

My own personal theory is that the elite, who really decide things in this country (those who start foundations and such, with tons of money), decided a long time ago that it was best to keep families separate. Think of how many people are focusing on adoption, i.e., finding family members or being in therapy because of family separation or something else like that, instead of being fully productive citizens. In addition, those of us separated by adoption, even when we find our families, never quite figure out what to do with our relationships. It's weird to find your parents as an adult and not be able to relate to them the way that most people relate to their natural parents. There's a lot of time and energy spent on the adoption industry and its results. That time and energy could be much better spent on other, more productive and beneficial things. The elite want a group of dependent, non-thinking folks who are happy to receive crumbs and love the help of the government: For the most part (those on this blog excluded, of course!), this kind of person is what adoption produces. Most adoptees are happy to live bathed in lies that the government or private agencies have told us. And many, unfortunately, are just fine being separated from their natural families. To achieve this kind of strange perspective, people must have a giant propaganda campaign, which is what the government has been running for adoption for quite a while.