Sunday, July 13, 2008

I'm A Dinosaur Bitch!!!

And darn proud of it. Of course, I can tell you where I got it. My paternal grandmother, a tiny wasp of a woman, was a Bitch on Wheels and a very, very good person. She just refused to take any crap from anyone and, when it waddled, quacked, swam and looked like a duck, she called it a duck. I don't look like her, but I inherited her Chutzpah. Actually, I look like my grampa. See, having been raised in my natural family, I know these things.

I find it interesting that people will twist and tangle all the things they know about a person if the person has the temerity to be either an adoptee (disloyal and ungrateful) or a natural mother (bitter and angry). Let us speak up against adoption, and for the rights of either the mothers or the adoptees or both, and we are blazing bitches from Hell. Some of us natural moms had thought about getting some tee shirts that read "I'm a Slut," a'la Bastard Nation with their wonderful sense of humor. But I think, for us older moms from the BSE, that "Bitch" is more appropriate.

We are dinosaurs..."Girls Who Went Away"....basically decent but reviled women from a time that the industry now wants to keep in the category of a minor, historical footnote. They sure don't want it brought out into the light of public scrutiny. I work out at the YMCA with women who adopted from that era and are now in their later 70's and early 80's and they swear that they "didn't know" we were being abused and coerced out of our children. They call our babies "gifts" and pretend that the mothers of THEIR adoptees were just unable to care for the child so they were presented with a little bundle to own "as if born to." Yeah, right.

Every adopter I know thinks that their case is different. One thought that, if she had not adopted a certain child, that child would have just wasted away in foster care or a hospital or institution. Nah...wouldn't have happened. There are too many wannabe AP's out there for that to happen. And to believe everything a social agency says is to be more gullible than anything. Most SW's do NOT search the family of origin for someone to take in a child that cannot stay with his or her mother. Get real! My daughter says that if it had not been her adopters that took her, it would have been someone else. This "meant to be" crap is mental and emotional masturbation.

The thing about being a Bitch is that it is what it takes, most of the time, to be heard and to be acknowledged. "Playing nice" with adopters and agencies and adoption institutions doesn't work. We get so tired of these people speaking for us that we are having to speak over them. Of course, most people, especially men, think that an assertive, confident woman is a Bitch because she doesn't defer to the "elite," again, especially men. I am lucky to be married to a man who respects strength in a woman and can more than hold his own with me. I told him I had been called a Bitch and he smiled and said, "You betcha, Baby..and damn good at it, too!"

What matters to me is being called, "Mom," which ALL my children do, or "Nanny" or "Big Mama" as my grands and great-grands do, or "girlfriend," as my wonderful friends do. I am wealthy beyond measure in those categories.

So, I think we have it straight, adopter is an adopter and a Bitch is a Bitch (the person who called me that said it like it was a bad thing??). Lesson over.


Anonymous said...

My dear Robin, I do not care what anybody calls me anymore.
May I have your permission to print out some of your recent posts, including this one, to give my daughter (my only child, whom I lost to adoption in 1972) when I go to visit her at the end of this month?
Her female adopter was also adopted. My daughter says that she expressed shock and revulsion when she learned how I was treated so that she could have my daughter. Of course, this adopter's own mother was undoubtedly abused the same way, or even worse, considering her earlier birth date.

Robin said...

Sure, Mary. Be my guest.

Anonymous said...


Obviously being a bitch has advantages.Like being able to tell these adopters how it is and how being an adopter is not what they think it is especially with the internet.

Have you ever noticed how they just have to get the last word. Somehow proving they are justified or righteous because they have adopted?

They are being found out and they don't like being exposed for what they have done.

Those who called you that obviously have some issues about adoption and they claim they don't just lying through their teeth.

One of those over at Bastardette, who has adopted and prefers adoption hat over the b hat.The other one is probably "Dads" adopted

When we speak up for what we know is wrong they try to out do us. The Susan Smith thing was over the top in my opinion.

I still feel this baby would have been alive if the person that adopted him would have been younger and of course decided that the toddler
was the most important thing. But the having that accessory is more important than the accessory itself.

Thank you for speaking out for those who can't and those that won't!


Unknown said...

Years ago a man that Dan and I worked with took every opportunity to call me a bitch. It got to the point where it really began to bother me. Then one night on tv there was a woman talking and she said that every time a man calls a woman a bitch it is because he perceives her as powerful and is somehow threatened by her. So, she suggested that when a man calls her a bitch that she smile sweetly and say, "Thank You!" I did that the next day, and offered no explanation when his jaw dropped to the floor. He never called me a bitch again. I have remembered that, and take pleasure in hearing it directed at me, which it is often. LOL.... Wanted to share that story with you, Sister Robin. Dan thinks you are a bitch too, and a mighty fine one, at that!!! LOL

Robin said...

I knew Dan would recognize my sterling character! LOL